Attitude of Grattitude

• Friends who have supported me all year long, keeping me going through all the crap.
• A year of struggle and challenges that have only made me better.
• Buster and how sweet and silly he always is.
• A muggle job that doesn't destroy my soul, and continues to help me support my Theatre Addiction, financially and logistically.
• Being cast in Midvale Main Street's production of "First Date." I cannot WAIT to break out my "character acting" chops and be silly and ridiculous along with a really fun cast. (INCLUDING my love, Dustin Bolt, who i have yet to do a show with. it's about damn time.)
• Getting to go to CABO in 1 month, and 19 days (not that I'm counting).
• My immediate family, for being strong and smart and caring and loving at all times. And my extended family, both sides, for proving that love is the center of everything and that we're all always there for each other.
• The opportunity I had this year to push my boundaries in a lot of ways. I ventured into some fun and weird and wild worlds, and took some fun people along for the ride, and it was so liberating and wonderful. I'm so grateful for that chance.
• Student Loan consolidation.
• Health Insurance
• Voice Lessons
• Co-Workers who make me laugh and work hard, and a manager who lets me be myself and do my job and function like a real person and not a cog in a machine. 
• "WIT". Working on that show this year was the best best best thing of all. I met the most amazing people, watched one of my favorite actors be brilliant and brave, and learned so much about humility and honesty and camaraderie. Priceless.
• Karaoke and it's power to free my soul
• An Adventurous Roommate 
• Kitchens and Refrigerators and Stoves and the ability I have to cook, however mediocre my food may be. (i mean, i like it.)
• Zaxby's and Moe's and Popeye's coming to Utah. 
• Chocolate & Pumpkin Spice everything
• Cars that get me from point A to point B. 
• Puppies
• Text Messaging and it's ability to bridge the gap between SLC and NYC and San Diego and North Carolina and Florida.
• Tattoos
• Feeling secure and safe in my neighborhood and city. 
• My ability to express my thoughts and opinions openly and without risk. 
• My education in academia and music and theater and speech. 

... to name just a few things.

I hope I'm practicing gratitude year-round, I definitely try to accentuate the positive in my life and express my thanks whenever I can. But at this time of year, when it's on every one's minds, I like taking an opportunity to once again express my thanks for the all the things I hold dear, no matter how big or small. I love seeing the things people find to be grateful for each day during this month- I'd like to hope that that attitude of gratitude can continue all year, whether outwardly and publicly, or quietly in our hearts. 

Unbreakable - or - My quest to be more like Kimmy Schmidt

FIRST THINGS FIRST

If you are not watching this INCREDIBLE show on netflix, you're wasting your life.

Seriously. It's hilarious, and empowering and wonderful.

So watch it. Because that's kind of what the rest of this post refers to. 

Life has been ridiculous lately.

I go through this crazy cycle of a few incredible weeks and then just a few weeks where I'd rather be curled up in a ball in bed. It's exhausting, and I probably need to figure out why it happens that way.

But, the point is,

it happens. 

And even on those days when I feel like I can't function, I have to function. 

I have to get out of my bed and go to work and interact with people, and I have to pretend like everything is peachy keen.

One of my favorite things that Kimmy Schmidt has given me is the idea that "You can survive anything for 10 seconds." Some days its just a matter of taking it ten seconds at a time in order to make it through the most unbearable of days. It's a matter of realizing there is only so much that you can control, and breathing deep to release any stress or guilt about the things that you can't.


Also, Kimmy is one of the most positive, optimistic characters I've ever seen. She finds the joy in every strange, un-ideal situation. She fights her way through some impossible odds. She lets herself be down for a little while but then picks herself back up and powers onward.
 I'm trying to do that too.

So. 10 Seconds at a Time.
I'm also reminding myself that I am lucky:
I have a job
I have insurance
I have incredible friends
I have Buster
I have voice lessons
I have nice things
I have amazing co-workers
I have a car

I'm not drowning.
I'm strong.as.hell.
UNBREAKABLE
dammit!

January Wrap Up

It's been a month of learning. I've been trying to put myself first, focus on what I need and what I want and what feels right. 

I started taking Voice Lessons from the amazing Mary Driggs. Three weeks in and I can't believe what I've been missing. I hadn't taken an actual lesson since I graduated from Weber, and even though I've been singing and working since then I didn't realize how many bad habits I've picked up. I'm working muscles that haven't been used in a while and discovering that it's easier than I thought to do what I want with my voice. So incredible. 

Also- while I'm still working on it- I've been trying to eat more fresh, real food. I've tried to up my water intake a bit- or at least maintain it.

 I've been cooking at home more often. Much more veggies. Trying to eat less carbs, less red-meat, and more chicken and fish. I've never really been a fish fan, but i'm learning to like tilapia, and I think I'm going to try and cook more with shrimp and possibly attempt to eat other kinds of fish... maybe. I don't necessarily feel like I've lost weight, but I feel better overall, which is nice.

I took some time this month to just enjoy myself as well. I've tried to surround myself with people who make me laugh, who make me feel beautiful, and who bring out the best in me. It's given me a lot of perspective on some of the ways I'd been treating myself in the past and helped me open a few windows- emotionally. I'm discovering parts of myself that I didn't know I had, treating myself to fun experiences and planning things for myself this year- and it's been an adventure. And I'm lucky to have awesome people along for the ride. 

------------

February is going to be fun. 

Ally and I have tickets for the Dancing With The Stars tour. I'm going to visit Randall in San Diego for 4 days. There's 'Mermaid' auditions, and possibly 'Lyric' auditions. 

There's a million plans and potentials that are floating in the air right now- and all of them are thrilling and terrifying and amazing.

I can't wait.

My Life Would Suck Without You.

I have the most incredible friends.
These human beings who have become part of my life and who make me whole and better and sane.

Today was just the most rough. I was confronted with dealing with a less-than-desirable person, and had to decide the best way to handle it while also trying to calm the storm that the situation ignited inside of me. I was thrown back into a place that I thought I'd escaped from, and it was a little scary, and emotional, and painful. But, I am so incredibly lucky that the following humans were able to contribute to making my day less difficult than it would have been otherwise:

BJ W.
The last two months have been a special kind of hell for BJ and I. And while I am sorry that we've both had to experience it, I am the most grateful that this wonderful human being has been by my side through the whole thing, and that we have been able to help each other through the turmoil. BJ is honestly one of the most genuine, loving, kind, amazing people I know and I am blessed to call him my friend.

Liz L.

My work wife. The wild-child who I can vent to about anything and everything, and who has been the most supportive and loving. She'll rub my back while i cry on her desk and then lend me her phone so i can check my makeup in the camera, and then coach me through my crazy mood-swings through out the day. I'm just the most grateful we met and that we still get to work together, even if we don't work on the same team anymore.

David & Janelle

Two of the most wonderful humans who made a point today of making sure I knew I was welcome and wanted in their home, even if I wasn't ready to attend a function where undesirable humans would be in attendance. Their support and love have been felt from miles away as they've been caught in the midst of the insanity. I am forever grateful for their friendship. In fact it's one of the few good things that came out of the relationship that was.

Megan Y.

My ginger-mermaid friend who advises me and makes me better. She inspires me, sends me happy things, and indulges my rants and rages about anything and everything. Her love and encouragement are so helpful at work, and I am  glad that we are able to vent to each other and work through our red-head passions together. We are two peas in a pod and will likely run away to be mermaids in Thailand one day.

The Cast of A Christmas Carol

I know that's a huge umbrella, but I honestly am so so so glad that everyone who I get to see at rehearsal is there. Today (and most days), I am especially grateful for Casey, Nate, Mason, Kade, Erin, Geoff, and Josh, but the cast as a whole is such a delight and so wonderful to be around. There is nothing better than being surrounded by beautiful, talented, loving humans every night for a few hours. I have made such incredible friends, who don't even know how much they mean to me. This show is a family- and I'm honored to be a part of it.

Ally B.
My roommate who takes care of me so very well. She can come home to see me halfway through my second glass of wine, listen to me whine and cry about my shitty day, and ensure that I eat more before heading to rehearsal. She also is incredibly on the ball about getting household matters taken care of, which is such a blessing. Thanks to her I was able to come home to our wi-fi being up and running. I am so so so glad that we are living together again, and so grateful that we've been friends for so long. 

Missy-Moo

My seeeeeester, who I can just text and she can tell things may not be okay and promptly contribute a ridiculous vine or tidbit to make me smile. She rocks. I'm glad I get to call her mine. 

And these are just the people who were instrumental in my day today. There are so many more incredible humans who I would be totally lost without, but to list them all would take years. And for that I am grateful.

So thank you, friends. Thank you for proving that people are fundamentally good. Thank you for providing support and love. Thank you for making me laugh hard and smile wide. Thank you for crying with me, or at least allowing me to cry on your shoulder. Thank You. Thank You. THANK YOU.

My life really would suck without all of you.