30 before 30. (or, A Bucket List with a Deadline)

You guys. In just under 60 days it will be Christmas.

Which means that in just under 60 days it will be my birthday.

27

I'm turning 27 this year. Which is just a mere 3 years from hitting the big 3-0....

THIRTY!
My 30s have never felt so close and it's more than a little bizarre.

I have heard, however, that your 30s are the time when life finally starts feeling like it makes a bit more sense.

That for whatever reason, once you're in your 30s things settle and absorb and come full circle in a really great way.

So... honestly, I'm looking forward to my 30s. Truly. I'm more than a little over these psycho, hyper-emotional, roller coaster 20s. I'm ready for things to quiet down and feel like they make even a fraction more sense.

THAT BEING SAID-

I was going through some old magazines tonight and found a bucket-list of sorts.

This writer came up with a list of 30 "Silly, naughty, daring things you secretly want to do but have no excuse to...." and decided to do them all before she turned 30. She did them all in the month leading up to her 30th birthday... so one thing every day. That seems exhausting to me. But I do love the idea of a 30 before 30 list... and since I like to plan ahead for most things... I thought I'd start putting mine together now. I took some ideas from her list, and will add my own as well... and we'll see where this goes. This goes into effect as of now. 

1. Tell Mom a Deep, Dark, Secret. pick one... there's plenty to chose from.
2. For one day, say 'Yes' to everything. at least everything that won't cost you your job/too much money.
3. Get a psychic reading. not just tarot cards... an actual palm-reading, crystal consulting psychic.
4. Have sex in a public place.  'nough said.
5. Buy an expensive dress, wear it out, return it the next day. note: find someplace fancy to wear said dress.
6. Read War and Peace, finally. and also maybe Anna Karenina , among a few other classics.
7. Throw a drink in a man's face, like in the old movies. it has to feel as liberating as it looks.
8. Chill with someone about to turn 20. this will be easy, since it will likely be my sister and her friends. 
9. Lose those last 5lbs. aka- get to the goal weight (140) and stay there.
10. Eat alone at a super classy restaurant. Some place people only take dates to.
11. Buy a pair of Designer shoes. Preferably on sale... 
12. Have a closure conversation with an unrequited love. ....this may have to wait until the last month of 29 before i feel ready for that.
13. Get a brazillian wax. because why the hell not?
14. Tell my closest friends what I love most about them. no time like the present
15. Kiss a man whose hair is longer than mine. like... really long.
16. Kiss a woman whose hair is shorter than mine. like... really short.
17. Get my finances in good order. or at least better order. ironing out the kinks on my credit before i'm 30 would be huge!
18. Write at least one letter a month. and actually mail it out!
19. Take a Pole or Silks or Strip-robics class. getting in shape can be sexy!
20. Attend religious services of faiths I'm not familiar with. if for no other reason than to feel more informed about how people worship. 
21. Dye my hair a color that is not a natural hair color shade. i'm leaning towards teal or purple... maybe i'll do both....
22. Audition for a touring company/cruise line/Disney every time the opportunity arises. explore EVERY avenue for getting the eff out of here with performing.
23. Read all the plays I own and buy at least one play a month. essentially be a good actor and know the field
24. Get back into Voice Lessons. be 100% prepared and ready to kill every audition.
25. *TO BE DETERMINED
26. *TO BE DETERMINED
27. *TO BE DETERMINED
28. *TO BE DETERMINED
29. Celebrate New Years Eve in NYC with my friends. also acceptable if carried out on the NYE immediately following my 30th birthday.
30. Float a message in a bottle out to sea. let it carry away any lingering negativity.

Owning October

This is my time.
This is my month.

September usually treats me much better than most months. But this year.... lets just say September ended up dropping me into a new kind of hell, emotionally, and the last week or so has been harder than I could've imagined and I've been in a darker place than I ever thought I would be. I'm working on it...

SO

Yesterday, being the First of October, I decided that I was going to claim this month as my own. This is my month. I will own every moment of the next 30 days and focus on the things that will make me feel whole again. I will work on sponging away the anger and hurt and tainted memories by replacing them with art and friendship and joy. I will extract the toxicity from my life and embrace the people who truly know what love and friendship mean. I will be healthier. I will be busier. I will take (reasonable) risks and start anew. 

first step- chop off my insanely long hair:

My hair hasn't been this short since I lived in Tallahassee. It took a literal and figurative load off of me when the stylist sliced off 9 inches of dead ends. It was time. And it was a tiny outlet for some of the scary, destructive energy I've had stewing inside of me.

Yesterday I also completed my run in the "Utah Idol" karaoke contest. Last night was the Finals round, and out of the 45 people who made it to finals (not to mention the 100+ people who entered the competition) I managed to rank in the top 15 performers. It was insane. I sang "No Good Deed" from Wicked as one of my songs last night and it was the most terrifying, exhilarating, and wild feeling I've had as a performer in a really, really long time. My dad filmed it.. I'm working on getting it from him and posting it somewhere so the peeps who wanted to be there but couldn't get a chance to see it. It was ridiculous, and I'm so glad I had the opportunity to do it. I want to sing more. I want to get back into voice lessons and get better at what I love to do. 

And last, but mostly- I just got a new job!!! You are reading the writing of the newest Enrollment Counselor at WGU. I'll still be working with the Enrollment team, except now people will be setting appointments for me to talk to people and help them get enrolled in school. I will be in a full time, salaried position. With benefits. And they seemed understanding about my conflicts for Christmas Carol, and about potential conflicts for future shows. I move to that team on the 13th and I am so excited I can't stand it. 

October is my month.

I am Owning October. 

You hear me?

Owning It.