Taking Responsibility

On my computer at work I have my desktop background set up to shuffle through a folder of images with inspirational/positive quotes and images. Today as I was coming back from my break I saw that this image was currently decorating my screen, and it got me thinking.

We opened NOISES OFF tonight. It's been a month of memorizing, running around, digging deep, exhaustion, and incredibly fun, but hard, work. The last two weeks of tech and dress rehearsals have tested my stamina, my confidence, and my talent. I've never worked on a show that required so much concentration and focus while at the same time requiring excessive amounts of ease and relaxation. Comedy is HARD, it's a skill-set I wasn't given much of an opportunity to polish during college But this show... this show has put me to work.

I've always felt like I didn't have much of a choice in the matter when it came to what I was going to do with my life. I've written about this before- theatre is the only thing that makes sense to me. Its always been the dream, and though the parameters of that dream may have shifted and changed over time- I know I'll always be trying to perform in one way or another. But I don't know if I've ever thought about my need/ability to perform as a responsibility. When put into those terms it gives me new perspective on what I'm doing to further myself as a performer. Going to auditions, seeking out voice lessons or workshops, keeping fit, reading plays; these are all things that I should be doing in order to keep this gift in tip-top shape. I want to make sure I'm constantly working at myself, at my talent. It's something I'm going to try to focus on from now on.

What talents do you feel like you've been entrusted with? How are you working on them?

Die Vampire, Die.

Silly things get in my brain and sometimes its hard to control the anxiety they cause.

When I finished my degree I had plans and goals of moving out of the state within the year, hoping to escape Utah and expand my horizons as an actor. I thought maybe I'd go back to Florida, then considered LA. I wanted a change, didn't want to get stuck. And then money happened, and life happened. And I decided I should move to Salt Lake. I would be nearer to the theatre opportunities that were most worthwhile, and my closest friends all lived here. And things kept rolling. I changed day-jobs. I've been working as an actor. I'm busy. 

And I don't know what I'm doing.

I am working on my career. I am in a challenging and exciting production of a show. I haven't done a production that I wasn't paid for since graduating from college with a theatre degree. I audition for something fairly regularly, and my new goal is at least one audition a month. I know I am cast-able, and I feel like I am hitting my stride and have started to grow into myself and my 'type.' I feel like I need to gain a few more experiences as an actor in larger roles, I want the opportunity to work with bigger theatres here in the valley, try to earn a few Equity points before embarking on something larger outside the state.

 But I don't know what I'm doing. 

My two best friends are moving before the end of the year. Leaving the state and heading out to pursue bigger things. I am so proud of them both. And I'm so selfishly terrified of what I'm going to do when they're gone. I start to think maybe i'm wrong. Maybe I shouldn't wait. Maybe it's time to go and get out and be scared and challenged somewhere else. 

But there's still the money issue.

And life is still sort of kicking my ass in a lot of ways.

And the thought of letting life kick my ass too far away from a support system is terrifying.

so I don't know what I'm doing.

Art Imitating Life Imitating Art

Noises Off

A meta-theatrical production about a play in rehearsals and in performance.

We are currently in rehearsals and the similarities between us as a cast and the cast within the play are, simply put-

HILARIOUS.

There are characters in the show who have various personality traits which are becoming quite apparent in the actors who are playing them. The moments when our director has to pause and rephrase or wait for one of us (myself included) who is behaving a little too much like their character (without meaning to) is amusing-to say the least. Some of the characters in this play never do manage to quite get their lines right, some are a little vacant and distracted, some often struggle to get their point across, some are hyper involved in all the best/worst gossip and too eager to talk about it. They are characters designed to represent the type of actors a well-meaning director struggles to put up with... and there are moments in rehearsal where I worry that we are all reflecting our art a little too much!

I have to credit our fearless leader, Anne, for dealing up with all of us. She is one of the most patient humans. This show is a monster to put together, and on top of the countless staging and practical difficulties she also has to deal with us actors who are not always the most 'on-the-ball'. But the show is coming along so well, considering what a nightmare it could be. I'm going to lose at least 10 lbs by the time we open, simply because of the amount of time I spend running around in heels during the second act (and we haven't even finished blocking it yet.) I am having the most fun, and being stretched as an actor in ways I haven't before. And the people I get to work with are just the loveliest. I am so grateful for this opportunity, and I can't wait for you all to come see it! 

(there's a link for tickets near the top of my blog. *hint hint*)