Die Vampire, Die.

Silly things get in my brain and sometimes its hard to control the anxiety they cause.

When I finished my degree I had plans and goals of moving out of the state within the year, hoping to escape Utah and expand my horizons as an actor. I thought maybe I'd go back to Florida, then considered LA. I wanted a change, didn't want to get stuck. And then money happened, and life happened. And I decided I should move to Salt Lake. I would be nearer to the theatre opportunities that were most worthwhile, and my closest friends all lived here. And things kept rolling. I changed day-jobs. I've been working as an actor. I'm busy. 

And I don't know what I'm doing.

I am working on my career. I am in a challenging and exciting production of a show. I haven't done a production that I wasn't paid for since graduating from college with a theatre degree. I audition for something fairly regularly, and my new goal is at least one audition a month. I know I am cast-able, and I feel like I am hitting my stride and have started to grow into myself and my 'type.' I feel like I need to gain a few more experiences as an actor in larger roles, I want the opportunity to work with bigger theatres here in the valley, try to earn a few Equity points before embarking on something larger outside the state.

 But I don't know what I'm doing. 

My two best friends are moving before the end of the year. Leaving the state and heading out to pursue bigger things. I am so proud of them both. And I'm so selfishly terrified of what I'm going to do when they're gone. I start to think maybe i'm wrong. Maybe I shouldn't wait. Maybe it's time to go and get out and be scared and challenged somewhere else. 

But there's still the money issue.

And life is still sort of kicking my ass in a lot of ways.

And the thought of letting life kick my ass too far away from a support system is terrifying.

so I don't know what I'm doing.