Injured. Yes, again.

I somehow managed to sprain a tendon in my right thumb. Somehow. No idea when/how it happened exactly. Could've been during moving, could've been at work, could've been when I popped my knuckles one night.... no idea. But about two weeks ago, after it had been hurting for a week, I noticed a difference in the way my thumbs looked....

My left thumb, at rest- vs. my right thumb, at rest. Now- I took these photos tonight, after having worn a brace on my hand for nearly two weeks now. My thumb still has very limited mobility and looks just about the same as the day I went to the doctor. They x-rayed my hand, no breaks, no fractures, nothing out of joint.... So i wear a big-ass brace (Unless i'm in the shower)

anyways. I'm a gimp. again. I guess I was due for some sort of injury, we all know i'm not the most graceful of humans. And I made it through the entire Evita run without physical mishap, so it was time for something to be broken.

Hurting your hand is way different than an ankle or foot, however. Especially your dominant hand... 

THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO DO WHILE WEARING A WRIST/THUMB BRACE:

Brush or comb or DO your hair

Lift boxes or shelves or couches while moving

Drive- (not having use of your wrist makes a big difference)
Open jars

Fasten/unfasten your bra
Grate cheese or hand plates/cups to guests at work
Use tongs to portion breadsticks/salad at work.

Use a ladle to portion soup at work.

WORK

Operate a sound-board

Cook/chop/stir food

Wash your hands
Wash dishes
Push thumbtacks into walls
Put contacts in
Makeup- specifically eyeshadow/mascara and foundation

Write with a pen or pencil legibly

Pour beverages/liquids into cups/your mouth

Typing on a keyboard

Texting

To name a few.... The doctor told me to wear the brace for a few weeks, then if there is no improvement he'd send me to a specialist. I'm giving it two more weeks and then we'll see.... I'm reals tired of being gimpy.

Listing:

Beautiful Things:

• seeing Mr. Jamie Frank and hanging out with some beautiful people
• Getting to play with my talented friends a few nights a week at Closer
• Mediocre auditions resulting in callbacks that go very well. 
• my house starting to come together.
• Sunday dinners with grandparents- with leftovers to bring home.
• Late night chats drinking Gentleman Jack with Marza
• Understanding house-mates.
• First day at my new OG store, making $60.

Things I Want/Need in my new Place:

2 tension rods
A screw-gun to mount a curtain rod above my bed.

New sheets (Black? red?)

Stools (kitchen, shower)

Shelves for bathroom ledge

Curtains for closet

light for over kitchen table

mat for buster's food

blender, waffle iron

Universal remote

DVD player

Moved.

I moved.

As of Monday I've been sleeping and living at my new place here in beautiful Salt Lake City.

Moving was a process.

Still is.
I was in limbo for a good two weeks.

My work transfer hasn't quite gone the way I wanted it to.
and the moving expenses took a toll....

BUT

By the end of this week I will have completely transitioned my life down here.

Living alone again is exciting

especially because this time it's all my own things.

I get to decorate and spruce-up and create my home however I like.

I've been unpacking for the last three days,

and I've managed to unpack about 80% of the boxes

and it's all starting to come together....

except my bedroom, which I'm too lazy to touch yet.

But by the end of this week (Or maybe next)

I will have a cozy little nook of a home
and I can bring my Buster Brown to live here

and everything's going to be grand.

The Flashback to my Childhood.

I am the perpetual NSYNC fangirl.

always have been.

there was a point in my life where you could ask me trivia questions about any of those 5 men and I would have the answer off the top of my head (birthdays, favorite food/color/number, etc.)
I have this memory from when I was in junior high: me and some of the girls celebrated Lance's birthday in the gym-locker room.

I was/am that girl.

So when the rumours started flying last week about the NSYNC reunion on the VMAs....

you bet your sweet ass I was giddy and emotional and thrilled.

No media outlet could confirm it 100%

and silly Lance made comments trying to kill the rumours. 

BUT

TONIGHT

right smack dab in the middle of Justin's 

INCREDIBLE performance

There were my boys. All looking fierce and sounding as cool and smooth as ever:

I screamed.

I giggled.

I cried.

Its true.

And then I proceeded to watch all sorts of videos from when they were popular and every ounce of fangirl in my body floated to the surface. 

Its been a magical evening.

<3

What I do.

I was chatting with someone yesterday and he was lamenting the studying process for the LSAT and said something about it not really being what he wanted to do. I said "Then why are you doing it?" and he said "It's the fallback plan." His real love is music, and he said for a while he was seriously pursuing his music career, but he got tired of being perpetually broke. The financial instability became too much for him and so he's now applying for law school. And then he asked me what my fallback plan would be... you know, if the "acting thing" doesn't work out.

And I struggled to find an answer. I said.... "Uhhhhh..... well I don't know... work in a coffee shop and get lots of tattoos and also work front-of-house in a theatre; house managing or selling concessions or something... I guess..." And I searched my brain for a better answer but couldn't. Even my fallback plan involved working in a theatrical setting.

I'm gearing up for a few auditions in the next weeks. One tomorrow at SLAC, one at HTC on the 14th, and one at Good Co. Theatre sometime soon as well. And as I'm prepping and working and thinking about each potential job I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have found my passion. It's not easy, it's not stable, but it's all I ever want to do. I don't want to teach, I don't want to take some desk job and hate my life because it's monotonous and boring. I want to be on stage, or backstage, or near a stage. I want to be contributing to the world through something creative and alive and bright and meaningful. And that's what theatre does. And that's what I get to do when I'm part of theatre.

Today I saw a trailer for a production of CLOSER that is being put on by 5 of my favorite humans ever. It spend a lot of time talking about the process of creating theatre and how thrilling it can be. And then my beautiful friend Kelsie Slaugh wrote a blog post (HERE) that really really inspired me to work harder and keep pushing forward in this business. This life is a tough one, and it involves lots of sacrifice and rough decisions but it is EXACTLY what I want to be doing.

This was my favorite part of Kelsie's post:

"But there is a reason why we compromise, a purpose behind every sacrifice!

I cannot fathom any other choice. Theatre is my art, and without it I'm not me. It's this bizarre life-blood that beats throughout the veins and arteries of anyone that is fortunate enough to fall in love with it. It infests you; changing your cells and morphing you in a way that you can't recover from. It is humanity and earth, enveloping and changing all that it touches. It is me and you and everyone and everything in-between...

This passion is indescribable. 

So here we are, the crazy-theatre-humans, gladly making the sacrifices, because we can't do anything else. I can't do anything else. We're in love with this art form and always will be. And that's just how it is. 

...and I'm so grateful that's how it is."

The Summer without AC (AKA: The Sweatiest Summer of my Life)

I try not to complain. I have been blessed to live rent-free in a beautiful house this summer, I have a car that runs and gets me to and from the TWO jobs I am lucky to have. I was able to perform in an incredibly fun musical in Park City.

But. All of these awesome things have been happening during one of the HOTTEST summers on record here in good old Utah. We've been living with temperatures floating between 85 and 110 since June, and it's still cookin'. And as lucky as I am to have had a room and a car and jobs... I've been doing all of it without the luxury of Air Conditioning.... and I've never been stickier.

Phil's house, old, beautiful.... HOT. I'm on the second floor at the back of the house with an awesome window facing east- so my room cooks in the sun almost all day long. Two fans and lots of sleeping naked or nearly naked, or escaping to my mother's house, is how I've managed to survive.

My car. Good ol' Leo. A Lexus, a classic.... HOT. Leather seats, and a heating/ac system that shorts out if i push any of the buttons to turn on the fan. Driving around with windows down and wearing skirts/tank tops as much as possible when driving anywhere.

The OG. Steady income, great co-workers... HOT. The AC in our kitchen has been on the fritz since May. Apparently it's working and blowing air into the kitchen at 63*, but because it also cycles air from the ovens out and replaces it with air from outside in... the kitchen is consistently at a sweaty 80* or more. My glasses are always sliding down my nose and I have a perma-sheen on my face whether I'm working hard or not.

Its been... exhausting. And I have a hard time knowing when to shower anymore because if I shower before work I'm just going to get gross and sweaty at work, but once I come home I'm going to sweat in my bedroom even if I'm not doing anything, and if I shower between working at OG and driving to SLAC, I'm just going to get sweaty in my car on my drive.

I've learned to be oh so grateful for the the little things. Water-bottles, tower-fans, body-spray. I can't imagine having to live in a climate/location where Air-Conditioning isn't an option for anyone. But I know people do it, every day, all day, and they don't know the difference. It's why I've tried not to complain to much, because I realize even at my sweatiest, I can still go sit in a coffee-shop, or at a friends house, or even walk through the market, and cool off.

On the upside- I've found an apartment in Salt Lake and will be moving at the end of the month. It's a one-bedroom, basement apartment, with full AC, and it's darling. My boss at SLAC owns the house, and her son lives upstairs, so I have great neighbors/landlord. AND Buster can come live with me! Also, I'll be transferring to a different OG, most likely Sugar-house. Fingers crossed that their kitchen is not sweltering.... :P

let me give your heart a break...

i've been patching myself together for so long i don't think i even realized i was doing it.

and now that i'm working on focusing and fixing and growing

my band-aids are being pulled away and i'm still a little wounded underneath.

things aren't fully healed yet.

growing is hard.

What's in a name?

I follow a blog called the "This Is Me Challenge". I've mentioned them before, they give challenges for bloggers/scrapbookers to help tell the story of them. This week's challenge was:

WHAT IS THE STORY BEHIND YOUR NAME?

Margaret: 

Derived from Latin Margarita, which was from Greek μαργαριτης (margarites) meaning "pearl", probably ultimately a borrowing from Sanskrit. Saint Margaret, the patron of expectant mothers, was martyred at Antioch in the 4th century. Later legends told of her escape from a dragon, with which she was often depicted in medieval art. The saint was popular during the Middle Ages, and her name has been widely used in the Christian world.

Saint Margaret of Antioch

I don't know if I've ever looked up the meaning/history of my name in that sense before. I love that it means 'pearl', and that Saint Margaret escaped from a dragon. That's pretty damn cool...

Really my name is a family name. My great-grandmother Goertzen was named Margaret.

 Grandma Goertzen was (i've been told, she passed before I was born) kind of a grumpy woman, and she was not a fan of my grandmother. In my great-grandmother's eyes, Nadine (my grandma) was the woman who stole her son away and converted him to 'that awful church'. My dad tells stories of his angry, not very-nice grandmother, and how she was always slightly rude to his mom. Which is so crazy to me, my grandma is THE most sweet wonderful person, I can't imagine not liking her.

Anyways. When my parents were expecting me they didn't know if I was a boy or girl, and had discussed a few different names. Because my due-date was Christmas Day they had thought of Nicholas, which was a name they obviously fell in love with since that is what they named my brother 4 years later. But when I arrived, and I wasn't a boy, they had to decide on a different name. I've been told I was named Margaret as sort of a peace-offering to my great-grandmother, and to keep the name in the family.
I like to joke that Great-Grandma Goertzen decided she would watch over this girl who was given her name and make her the rebel of the family- because... I kind of am.

I've gone through alot of nick-names. Very few people actually call me Margaret. And it's taken me a long time to actually love my full first name. I always felt that my full name (Margaret Elizabeth Goertzen) sounded like an old woman. But I've grown into it, I think. I like how traditional and beautiful it sounds all put together.
My mother wanted to call me Maggie from day 1, but they started calling me Meg first and that ended up sticking when they realized my initials spelled my nick-name. I went by Meg nearly my whole life, and a few years ago started going by Maggie and Love it.

I also am called Mags, Margie, Margarita, Magdalene (by Tia), Megert, Meggie... pretty much any variation on Margaret, Maggie, and Meg that you can think of. Except for Megan. Never call me Megan.

We are capable of finding, saying, feeling so much more.

cause really what's the point if we're just coasting on the surface?

This summer has been... strange.

I finally got my Lexus, named him "Leo" (because he is a classic, he has expensive tastes, and has never won any awards). Less than two months into our relationship Leo decided to develop some health issues and needed about $2600 in repairs. He was in the shop for about two weeks. I had two rental cars, one that I ended up crashing into a deer, and one that i managed to keep in one piece. Lesson being, I'm not allowed to have nice things. :P

Been living at Phil Lowe's house all summer, taking care of his cats and keeping the house secure. It's a sweaty existence, no AC in either my house or my car. This house is old. And stinky, the cats struggle with their bathroom manners. But it's a place to live. And he's kind enough to let me live rent free for the time being since I'm house-sitting while he's gone for the summer. I'm very ready to move to Salt Lake, however. Ogden is... exhausting. I have only a handful of friends up here anymore, and the people I'm closest to all live in SLC. I feel a little suspended in time (*cue xana-music*) up here. Like I'm just treading water and not getting anywhere. So I'm working lots, and trying to re-build my bank-accounts, and hopefully this fall I'll be a resident of the SLC and starting to feel some progress.

In the mean-time, I'm using this month as my re-focusing month. I've been journaling (you know, in a paper and pen kindof journal), and trying to get organized. I'm taking a look at some choices I've been making in my personal life and trying to stop selling myself short. Its not an easy process. Somewhere along the way I stopped believing that I deserved something fulfilling and real, and I've been putting on a smile and coasting casually through some things that are less than I deserve. I'm struggling to find a way to separate myself from those things and find the things inside myself that are healthier, more satisfying. It'll happen. Every day is a step forward and I'm adjusting little things. I want to lose some weight, I want to throw out some junk, I want to set a budget and stick to it, I want to tell people how I feel about them and be honest.  I want to stop playing silly high-school games and putting up with bullshit I don't deserve. I'm tired of coasting.

So I'm trying to put myself in gear.

we are capable of finding, saying, feeling

so much more.

living in flux

Saturday before last almost all of my belongings were wedged into a 5'x10' concrete room.
I had help from my incredible family and my awesome friend Chris, and it took all day but we did it.
And then I slowly started getting the rest of my things moved out, cleaning bit by bit.
Scrubbing away dust and dirt and memories, throwing out bottles of soda purchased solely as mixers.
Watching what had become my home become an empty shell of a house again.

Moving is hard enough. I've said before I don't do well with change.

Well, a midst the chaos and stress of moving, my trusty little Grey Lady of a car was running REALLY rough.
Took her in for a checkup, and she died on the table. Quite literally. Never again to be revived (not unless i had 3500 extra dollars lying around.)
My car got me through college at Weber. Got me to and from a million classes, rehearsals, auditions, dinner shifts, parties, bars, wedding receptions, good decisions and bad ones, lunch dates and coffee breaks.
And this weekend all it took was one signature to sign her away and that was that.
Im purchasing another used car from some family friends, and it all will be fine.
It's a 92 Lexus, older than my two younger siblings, and worth more than The Grey Lady was even before she moved on. And I'm paying less than I paid for my old car to begin with.
Though I did take out a small loan to facilitate it.

Hopefully the Lexus will be mine by wednesday or thursday. Sooner rather than later.
Because, in my car-less state, I've needed to continue camping at my mother's house so that I have mobility to and from work.
I'm grateful for her hospitality. And that we've been able to get everything done that we've needed to.
But I'm ready to be done moving.
I'm tired of camping and living in limbo.
It gets to a point where even concrete things feel out of place.
Working
and Friendships
and Lifestyles....

its exhausting.

I've Realized:

• I'm way more of a 'hipster' than I'd like to admit: I don't really know what being a 'hipster' entails. I'm sure there is some urban dictionary definition out there that I could find, but why bother. I'm mostly referring to my sense of style lately. I've been rocking my glasses more often than not, and because my hair is forever long right now I have to wear it up at work- so its usually in a messy bun or a fishtail braid or a topknot WAY up high on my head. I'm favoring the cat-eye eyeliner alot. When I go out I've been working so hard to appear effortless... it's silly. I'm ridiculous. But it's fine. Lol.
  
  
  
  
• My baggage is still weighing me down: I've been tipsy-texting a certain Ex. Nothing much more than cordial exchanges, but its happened a few times now. This tends to happen this time of year, March and April were REALLY rough two years ago, when he and I broke up, and things tend to resurface. Things weren't quite so hard this year; and I'm sure next year they'll be even easier, especially if I get out of the state. I know a lot of this is psychological, and it will always be part of who I am, and I'm trying not to be upset about it. But it's frustrating to realize how much the things that happened years ago still affect me. I saw the name of a different Ex on my facebook wall yesterday and it shook me way more than I every wanted it to. I found some journal entries about the man I thought I was going to marry tonight and they made me ever so sentimental. I'm not sinking because of these things, and on a day-to-day basis they're not effecting me much at all. But its rough to realize how heavy things can still feel.
• The reason I've been so frustrated living in this house: While I've been living with people who I love and adore, I've often felt like I was the only one who cared about how things were taken care of or handled. Granted, I volunteered to manage utilities and I was the one in contact with the Landlord. Those things never bothered me. It was the day-to-day appreciation and care of the house that I felt alone in my investment. My mom said something today that put all of that into perspective:
  
  "It's your home, and for them it's just college housing because they still have 'home' at Mom & Dad's."
  And it made everything so clear. The reason I was more invested than anyone else is because I LIVE here, while my roommates have just been STAYING here. Even if they arent moving back home, they weren't making a life in this house. And that is completely understandable. That's how I felt about the first house I lived in here in Ogden. But when I moved into this house it became my home. There isn't somewhere at my parent's house to move back to. Which is why today, while I've been sorting and cleaning and packing, I've been incredibly emotional. Moving always sucks, but I've lived here for two years, it wasn't just a stopping place, it was my home. And its hard to know that I'm leaving this home for a temporary place again. Temporary is terrifying, but I'll figure it out.
• I'm good at what I do: both in my Muggle Job, and in my Real Job. At work, at the OG, I was given more responsibilites and granted a 'blue card'. This basically means I'm allowed a bit more power within the computer system (i can comp/void items off checks, set up large parties for myself and others, blah blah blah... boring). It doesnt involve a monetary raise or anything other than knowing that my managers feel i am responsible and competant enough to wield some power, assist other servers in their jobs, and still carry out my job efficiently and well. It feels good to be appreciated, and though its not what I want to do forever, I'm glad that I'm good at what I do there.
  In the world of Acting, I was just called-back for the role of Eva Peron in EVITA at the Egyptian Theatre. I was dumbfounded when they handed me her music for callbacks. I never in a million years thought I would be considered for that role. But getting that music in my hand was a revelation. I knew I'd killed it in my audition, and knowing that they wanted to see how I would handle the Elegance and Poise and Power of Eva... it was a huge ego boost. Callbacks were incredible. I stood in a room with six other women who were all talented and competent and different. There were six Eva's in that room, and it was insane for me to realize I was one of them. I've never been in that situation before. Ever. I worked my ass off, did everything as best I could, and I can't imagine walking out of that building having done anything differently. So now, it's just a matter of which direction they want to go. But, whatever happens, I know I'm good at my job and I can be successful at what I've devoted my life to. It's an incredible feeling. I know things wont always feel this good, but at least I know that I didn't make a mistake with my degree/career/life.
• I don't like change: I've been panicked about moving. I've been sad about what feels like the loss of a friend who I thought I was close to. I've been seeing less and less of the people who used to be my central group of friends. I felt like I was developing feelings for someone that I've had to reduce to nothing more than friendship. I went from being constantly involved with some sort of theatrical event to nothing once 'Salesman' closed. I've been hesitant about moving anywhere that I'm not sure will have some sort of safety net built in... I. Dont. Like. Change. It makes me anxious. I had a full-on anxiety attack last weekend, curled up in a ball on my bed crying for hours, for what seemed like no reason, avoiding a social event that I had previously been excited about attending. It was frightening, and frustrating. And when I starting analyzing why it happened I realized that I've been dealing with SO many changes in my life over the last few months, and I've just let them wash over me and haven't fully processed alot of them. I'm in the middle of a huge shift in my life, I'm at a turning point and I can't quite see where I'm going next and it is hard to cope with. I just have to remember that whatever comes, there is always a way through it. Things will be fine, even if they are different. Different isn't bad.
• I'm picky. And that's okay: I've been wondering why it always seems like the only guys interested in me aren't the kindof guys who I want to be with. Am I just unrealistic in my expectations/wants/desires? NO. NO. NO. It's okay to be picky. When I start to look at the guys who I find less than interesting I realize that there really would be zero future in pursuing anything with them. Even if they are nice guys. Nice isn't all that I want or need. Nice is important, but it isnt everything, and I deserve more than just the bare minimum. When it gets tough is when I start crushing on someone who IS more than the bare minimum and I know that it's an impossibility. It's moments like that when I have to remind myself that there is something bigger and better waiting for me on the other side of these state-lines. I'm allowed to be picky, because nothing less than outstanding is going to keep me from moving forward. 

I'm better friends with the moon and the stars than I think I'll ever be with the sun.

I'm better friends with the moon and the stars than I think I'll ever be with the sun.

night time has always been my favorite time.
when i was younger i would stay up till all hours reading and listening to music

creating fantasies in my head.

theatre exists in the night

rehearsing and performing and celebrating late.

something about the darkness feels solid

looking into the sky at the stars is humbling

and the moon.

the moon is awe inspiring

and romantic

and both warm and cold.

I'm a night-owl. through and through.

one day i'll break the habit.

but for now I like keeping the stars and the moon company.

listing. again.

• sunshine
• ANTM all-stars.
• hugs from my baby brother 
• buster snuggles
• wine and chocolate cake with my roomie last night
• organizing my music book
• reading Shakespeare
• music memories
• wearing contacts and getting compliments
• wearing glasses and getting compliments
• invites to Karaoke
• texts from the boy you met at the party last week

i'm in this social anxiety, self-defeatist, lonesome, jasdfanmahguehwjbqwyeh kindof mood. so i'm trying to accentuate the positive. guhhhhhhhh.

Little Things:

I've been in a funk lately. nothing too heavy or sad, just... meh about a lot of things. I'm sure it is partly my "post-show-slump" that I generally fall into once a show closes. It's also springtime, which brings a lot of newness and sunshine, but also a lot of bittersweet and cloudy memories for me.

SO.

I'm taking a page from my dear friend Bailee's book, and writing a list of little things that make me feel better.

• Remembering that I loved some tv shows from this season and catching up on all of them. Go On, and The New Normal are just so good! Also finding ANTM and Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Hulu.
• Washing all my sheets AND my pillows. Clean bedding is the best.
• The Sondheim Birthday Concert on DVD.
• Easter Candy. Peeps and Reese's Eggs are my weakness.
• Watching Peter Cottontail on youtube and feeling like a kid again. (Thanks Welchkins!)
• Blossoms on the Peach Tree over our driveway... and knowing that I'll be moved out before the peaches start dropping.
• Jello Shots
• Reading my favorite Shakespeare comedy, As You Like It, as part of my prep-work for to audition for it.
• A Facebook message with an invite for a coffee date from someone I met at a party. 
• A sea of red equality photos on Facebook.
• Playing tug of war with my pup, and taking him on walks.
• A rainy April 1st.
• Tables at work who leave $20 tips on $60 and $40 checks. Days like today remind me why I don't REALLY hate my job all that much.
• Phone calls from Ally Berry to discuss mischievous plans.
• Treating myself to a movie date in my basement with chinese takeout and "Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day."
• Cheers to You, free pool, After-hours sushi, and a stolen carnation with "The Boys" for Aaron's birthday.
• Painting my nails springy colors, even if my fingers chip after one day at work, at least my toes are still pretty!
• Conversations with Tanner.
• Getting to sing with Luke for his senior recital in three weeks. (yikes! I should practice!)
• Seeing old friends and growing closer to new friends.

I just have to remember that the little things matter just as much as the big things. That even if life seems up in the air and aimless and confusing right now, things will work out, and what ever happens will make me stronger and smarter and ready for anything. I may not know where I'm headed, or what's next, or if everything will be all right, but I know that every day there is beauty and fun and laughter and that's enough for now.

Update:

• Closed my show. Who knew I would miss doing one of the saddest pieces of theatre I've ever been involved in? But I do. I miss my Salesman peeps mucho. So So So grateful for that opportunity.
  
• Moving in a month or so. I'm pretty sure I'll be moving in with Alicia Washington and Jessie McCowin, which will be the most fun. Their place is just a few streets away so once we've settled things I think I will probably just slowly start transporting things over there a little bit at a time. The one sad part is that my Buster won't be able to move in with me, so he'll get to have a summer vacation at my mom's house until we move out of state.
  
• I've been counting calories. Sounds like zero fun, but I'm not being a nazi about it. I'm just making myself aware of how much it really is that I eat, and trying to be as active as possible at the same time. I'm using an app called MyFitnessPal and it is super helpful. I just know that I've been unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin for a while, and even though I'm not "fat", I'm definitely not at my ideal weight, so it's time to stop complaining and start paying attention.
  
• I'm diving back into the world of Shakespeare and prepping myself for an audition in a few months. Layton City is doing a production of As You Like It and I am DYING to be part of it, ideally as Rosalind or Phoebe. I'm re-reading the play itself, and brushing up on Twelfth Night as well, looking for a monologue to audition with. It's good for me, I haven't done a lot of work with The Bard in quite some time, and its good to remember that good actors are always working on something.
  
  
  -and finally-
• The Supreme Court is hearing cases regarding Prop-8 and DOMA this week. It's a hugely historic event, in and of itself. On top of that, thousands of people have changed their facebook avatars to red equality logos to show their support for Marriage Equality, myself included. Some people are calling it "slack-tivism" to just change a picture and not do anything else, but the resounding echoes of "thank you" from my LGBTQ friends and neighbors who appreciate the support and love proves to me that hope is enough. I am proud of my youngest two siblings who changed their FB-pics to equality symbols. I am proud of my friends Tia and Lauren who were married in NYC this week and I hope that as the hearings at the Supreme Court come to a close they will be able to know that their marriage is recognized all over the country. And, I am proud to know that whatever happens, I am on the right side of history. I am a supporter of equality, and a supporter of love, and a supporter of hope. How can that be wrong?

A Guardian Angel

This day always sneaks up on me. 

And then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I spend the next few hours just trying to comprehend how it's been two whole years since this beautiful girl left us. 

It feels like just a few weeks ago that she here and bringing laughter and joy into everyone's life.

And after I take those few hours to be sad, 

and to wish I could hug her

and drink hunch-punch

and talk about boys

and go to Bagel Bagel

and take the most ridiculous pictures

and laugh for hours and hours and hours. 

And I think about all those memories and I realize

that even though I can't do all those things with her anymore,

I was lucky enough to have had her to do all those things with. 

And that every time I 'get some'

or I drink just a bit too much

or I laugh at inappropriate jokes

or I take silly pictures

she's cheering me on from where ever she is.

This girl lived every second of her life.

And

She made sure everyone around her did the same.

I was blessed with a fiercely beautiful, talented, joyful, and loyal friend in this life.

And now I have a fiercely, talented, joyful, and loyal Guardian Angel watching over me.

SIB 3-19-11

Missing You

Loving You

Here's To You.

<3

"Friendship is like a garden...

You have to water it, and tend it, and care about it. Or you lose it. And I miss it. And I want it back."

-Charlie, Merrily We Roll Along, by Stephen Sondheim

Leave it to Steve to know exactly what to say. There's a reason I worship at the church of Sondheim.

I've fought with myself about posting this here. I didnt want to cause any drama or hurt feelings or whatever.

But then I realized, this is MY blog. I can post what I want, and if it affects people a certain way that doesnt mean that my feelings are invalid or wrong. So full disclosure, if you are negatively affected by this post, I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry that I feel the way I do.

---

When I graduated I knew things would be different in some of my friendships. Not seeing your friends every day in class, or in rehearsal, or in the halls. is bound to change things. So when my social life started feeling a bit abbreviated I tried to take things in stride. Especially when school started back up and all my closest friends were busy with rehearsals and performances and such. Theatre School is stressful, I did it for 6 years, I understand.

But I kept hearing about how there were groups of people who I had always considered my friends who were spending time together, excluding other people who they had previously been close to. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, telling myself, and others, that it was nothing, that we were all still just as close and just as much friends as we'd always been.

Then I realized. When I saw the people I had been missing most, they didnt seem to be nearly as excited to see me as I was to see them. I still wasnt getting invites to hang out or have movie nights or even just getting reply text messages. I again tried to let it go, not think about it, say we were just on different pages since I wasnt in school anymore. 

The difference was that there WERE people who seemed excited to see me. People who made an effort to make me feel included, to reciprocate when I put forth the effort to maintain our friendship. When I asked if they wanted to get Margaritas and dinner, or if I could join in on a movie night, or simply maintained a conversation that consisted of more than two word text messages.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that the friendships that are working for me right now dont feel like work. I've realized that I shouldnt have to try so hard to be friends with people who formerly included me in their closest circles. I shouldnt have to feel like I'm not important enough for you to respond to my texts. I shouldnt have to come up with some excuse for us to get together other than just getting together. I shouldnt have to feel like I'm imposing if I ask to spend time with you.

My feelings have been hurt. I feel like I've done absolutely nothing wrong, and I feel like I've been excluded from the lives of people who I considered my best friends. And I feel like some of those people arent the same people I was close to before. I'm not sure exactly what it was that made things change, because not going to school together anymore isnt an excuse. I'm not going to keep putting forth an effort when I dont see an effort being made in return. And I'm not going to keep pretending its good to see you or that things are okay when obviously things are so very different.

I'm grateful for my friendships, old and new, strong and faded. And I'm not saying things can't go back to being as good as they were. I love all my friends, even those who have drifted away for what seems like no reason. And if I've hurt anyone in any way please let me know so I can try to make amends. But I'm just done letting myself feel badly about something I have absolutely no more control over. I'm letting go, and whatever comes back and sticks, that's what I know I can count on.

Salesman

I am incredibly honored to be part of this production of 

Death of a Salesman

For the last month or so there have been some amazingly talented humans working so hard on bringing this story to life. There is real honesty and emotion happening on stage at The Grand Theatre, and I can't believe I get to be part of it.

Also, I've been so grateful for the opportunity to work with our director, Mark Fossen. We had never worked together, or even met, when I auditioned. He took a chance on this recent college graduate and I am so lucky to have had this experience. 

I play a very small role in this show. A brief appearance as a secretary, and another brief appearance as a "strudel" in the restaurant. Also, you get to hear my voice as the operator for a moment. Its a small contribution to this massive undertaking.

Arthur Miller created such a painfully beautiful play, and I have been lucky enough to watch some wonderful actors bring the story to life around me. Every night I watch and listen and absorb as much as I can, because even though I don't do much acting, I am lucky enough to have a master-class in communication and honesty by watching this cast work.  I have learned SO much, and I can't wait for us to open and share what we've created.

Mark said this the other night in notes:

"Love more, want more, fight harder, feel deeper"

and while he meant it specifically for this show, and these scenes, it struck me.

All we can do is our best. We can only Love and Want and Feel and Fight as hard as possible.
In the end, even if we don't see it, our contributions to this life will pay off. All our hard work will set us free in the long run.

And that's what I'm aiming for.
Love, Want, Fight, Feel.

and do it with a passion.

Do yourself a favor and come down to The Grand Theatre to see this show.

It is classic American drama done so incredibly well, and I am proud to be even the tiniest bit involved. 

Where I am.

I've been riding this unreal wave of life right now. Jumping around from work to one rehearsal or another, learning lines, feeling things, listening to good music, enjoying the company of people who make me feel better than I have in years....

So here's a brief synopsis:

THEATRE
Death of a Salesman
Charm
and a ten minute scene from Independence for Trent.

I'm in kindof an acting whirlwind and it's incredible. Im so grateful to have so much theatre happening in my life post-graduation.

I am constantly amazed at how much I continue to learn about myself as an actor now that I'm done in school.
Being around a whole new group of actors and a new director is inspiring, the energy is fantastic. I'm learning alot about being open and honest, finding real motivations and making even my small moments mean something.

Revisiting a play like CHARM has been interesting as well. It's a lesson in focus and discipline and honesty. Trying to re-live that play so many months later, and then taking a break between our re-mount and the run in LA.... its slightly terrifying. Its a struggle to remember to keep the moments fresh and real and to react in the moment- not just re-play what we've done before. But its exciting. I'm looking forward to sharing our magic with LA and KCACTF next week. I'm also loving working on Trent's scene. I've been hitting some pretty real emotions with the work on this piece, and its tough, but damn, if it isn't rewarding to feel like you've done something right. 

PEOPLE

FOREVER grateful for the people in my life. I am sincerely blessed to be surrounded with good, honest, caring people.

My roommates, my closest friends, this one guy who I spend lots of time with...

:)

I'm just blessed. 

People who worry about me make me smile.
Sometimes I worry that they make me smile too much. But. 

I can't help it. This particular worrier is pretty cool.

My girl Katrina did this wonderful thing and had a baby. Ingrid is PERFECT.

She's so beautiful and I'm so happy for Katrina and Erik and their beautiful family.
I'm grateful I get to at least share a small part of their life. 

UTAH

Someone has to like the snow, and of course it would be my dog. 

We've had THE MOST UNREAL snow this winter. Its ridiculous.

and i'm over it.

Shelby has decided to move to LA, and I'm toying with the idea of tagging along.
I had been thinking of Orlando as my next big move, but LA might have better options career-wise.

Having never been there, I'm looking forward for next week so I can get a feel for the area. 

GROBAN

New album. It's perfection.
I got my pre-ordered copy three days early, which was wonderful.
I've been listening to it non-stop since it arrived.
There was a live All That Echoes broadcast in movie theaters the day before the official release and it was so fun. He's hilarious. And watching him perform is always incredible. 

I'm obsessed. But what else is new?

I keep hearing the word "UNREAL" in my head about the incredible things happening in my life.

I'm not sure how I got so lucky to be in such a wonderful place right now.

But I'm gonna take it and run with it and make the most of every moment. 

because if it really is "UNREAL", 

I want to at least know I took advantage of the illusion and didn't waste it.

100 questions for my 100th post.

Because I'm bored and because I can. 

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
   "And we just stared at each other, must've been around four minutes at least." - from Marachino by Neil Labute, featured in a book of his short stories called Seconds of Pleasure
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
   My window
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
   Being bored on the interwebs
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
   30 Rock, had to watch two episodes to catch up to where my man-friend and I are in our viewing of the show from beginning to end.
5. Without looking, guess what time it is
   5:40
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
   5:50
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
   The analog clock ticking on my wall
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
   When I got home from work, to check the mail.
9. Did you dream last night?
   Not that I recall. I had a really restless night for some reason.
10. Do you remember your dreams?
    Very VERY rarely
11. When did you last laugh?
    Dunno
12. Do you remember why / at what?
    It was probably at a text message from my man-friend
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
    Postcards, photos, memories, records, memorabilia from my life.
14. Seen anything weird lately?
    Just the epic amounts of snow that have been falling this winter.
15. What do you think of this quiz?
    Its a quiz. I feel like I'm back in high school on LiveJournal.
16. What is the last film you saw?
    HOOK, watched it last night with the man-friend.
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
    I want a loft in NYC, a beach house in Panama City, FL, and a condo in Park City for funsies.
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
    I'd pay off my school loans, and then buy a loft in NYC.
19. Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
    I've never broken a bone, only suffered minor/major sprains and one cut bad enough for stitches
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
    Intolerance
21. Do you like to dance?
    30 second dance parties get me through the day at work.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
    Absolutely. France or Britain would be my first choice.
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
    When I went by Meg my first email adress was GEM2512. Now IDK what Maggie could anagram to...
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
    Man-Friend
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
    A copy of my headshot
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
    This summer, with David and Stephanie
27. Type of music you like most?
    Showtunes, mostly. And Indie-ish things. And Josh Groban.
28. Type of music you dislike most?
    Anything that screams at me.
29. Are you listening to music right now?
    None. Which is strange.
30. What color is your bedroom carpet?
    I have a brown rug on the hardwood floor.
31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
    Better insulation, and a central air system with heat and AC
32. What was the last thing you bought?
    A latte
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
    Not nearly enough, but yes
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
    No No No. Never, Ever, No.
35. Do you have a garden?
    Nope
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
    I think it's offensive when people don't. I can also sing the harmonies.
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
    Am I late? Coffee? How long can I lay here before the dog realizes I'm awake?
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
    Josh Groban.
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
    My Tanner.
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    Victoria's Secret
41. What time is bed time?
    I try not to stay up past Midnight much anymore.
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
43. How many tattoos do you have?
    Four.
44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
    Since I have four, i'll tell you what they are. A Fleur De Lis on my back, a symbol meaning Independence on my hip, the word SIDE on my ribs, and the word SHINY on my foot.
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
    Went to see Les Miserables with my family and then ate delicious eclair cake.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
    Nope
47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
    Pizza last night.
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
    Technically the space where there isn't water is occupied by air, so it's all full.
49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
    When I lived in Tallahassee, FL i traveled to Portland, OR. That was probably the farthest i'd been from where I was living.
50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
    Too long ago. This summer sometime maybe.
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
    Competing for the TCC Forensics team, I won several.
52. Are you a good cook?
    I can be. 
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
    F'Real?
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
    Audrey Hepburn
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
    Junior High. It was aweful.
56. Do you touch-type?
    I don't know what that means.
57. What's under your bed?
    My violin, a box of programs and cards, a box of personal things.
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
    Not exactly....
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
    Coffee. Him.
60. Where were you on Valentine's day?
    Last year I had class and then went to dinner with Tanner and got drunk with him and several other humans in my basement while watching Clue and Yes, Man.
61. What time do you get up?
    When I'm at home in my own bed I get up around 9am.
62. What was the name of your first pet?
    Murphy, an english cocker spaniel.
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
    Some lady from AnytimeFitness
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
    Trying to get my work shift covered. Possibly a get together at His house with the roomies and or some friends.
65. How are you feeling right now?
    Hungry, cold, kindof anxious. BORED.
66. What do you think about the most?
    The Future.
67. What time do you get up in the morning?
    I just answered this question. So I'm going to tell you that my favorite color is Orange instead.
68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
    until after I got the first payment and began paying off my school loans.
69. Who would you tell first?
    Mom.
70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
    Les Miserables
71. Do you sing in the shower?
    Who Doesnt?
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    REPEAT AGAIN. If i had to pick another store I would chose Cotton On
73. What do you do most when you are bored?
    Interwebs
74. What do you do for a living?
    Wait tables and work in the theatre.
75. Do you love your job?
    I love Theatre, I enjoy waiting tables on occasion.
76. What did you want to be when you grew up?
    I used to want to be a teacher.
77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
    Acting/Singing is the only thing I can imagine doing.
78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
    Chicken.
79. How many keys on your key ring?
    Two. I downsized ALOT
80. Where would you retire to?
    Orlando, FL
81. What kind of car do you drive?
    2000 Ford Focus- The Grey Lady.
82. What are your best physical features?
    My hair and Eyes.
83. What are your best characteristics?
    Understanding, a good listener, a devoted friend.
84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
    Orlando/Tallahassee or NYC
85. What kind of books do you like to read?
    All of them. I like dramas and romances and fantasy
86. Where would you want to retire to?
    REPEAT. Instead I will tell you that my least favorite food is Fish.
87. What is your favorite time of the day?
    Early afternoon, but only when I don't have to be at work.
88. Where did you grow up?
    Mostly in Clearfield UT, but i did the most "growing up" of my life in Orlando.
89. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
    Pocatello, ID is about 4 hours away I think.
90. What are you reading now?
    Death of a Salesman, Independence, and Seconds of Pleasure
91. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
    NIGHTS
92. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
    Nope. 
93. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
    Yep.
94. Do you have pets?
    Buster Brown is my babydog. He's the best.
95. How many rings before you answer the phone?
    I try not to let the Harry Potter theme end.
96. What is your best childhood memory?
    Playing dress-up with my cousins 
97. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
    Night Janitor for a bank, Babysitter, To-Go Specialist at Applebees (twice), Subway Sandwich Artist, Server
98. Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?
    I'm starting to feel like life might actually be making sense.
99. What is most important in life?
    Love. Friendly love, Family love, Romantic Love. It's the thing that makes everything worth it.
100. What Inspires You?
     Passion, Heart, Devotion.

Silly. But Now you've got random facts about me. 

I've officially blogged 100 times in this venue. 

Here's to 100 more.

matters of the heart

those who know me. really know me. they know i hold this deep, hopeless romanticism inside me.

i'm the girl who dreams of chance meetings

love at first sight

two perfect halves making one whole.

i daydream about meeting someone in central park

our dogs become best friends

then we become best friends

then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

but i've also experienced a lot of things that

...

left me jaded.

i've fallen for those guys who are good on paper

but whose reality is less than satisfactory.

its been a hard road, this love-life of mine.

and for the last two years i've remained single.

spent a lot of time figuring myself out

figuring out where certain things went wrong

learning how to handle life on my own.

and i've gotten pretty good at it.

i'm used to being independent and to sleeping alone

and to guarding my heart against the kindof people who won't know how to handle it.

but i've never fully given up hope.

i've continued to dream

and plan

and believe that someone will come along to warm my heart back up

to inspire the kind of joy and laughter and spark that i know i deserve.

and it may be happening.

and its exciting and fun and confusing.

and i'm enjoying how happy i feel.

but i'm also terrified. 

because this time i'm not so foolish

and this time i'm not so young

and this time it feels different.

so what if things go wrong

and then i'm more damaged than i was before?

i'm trying to remind myself to just take it day by day

and things will go the way they are supposed to.

because i'm hopeful

overall, i'm still just

hopeful.

sometimes i think i'm so comfortable with being alone that i'm afraid of letting someone ruin my comfort.

sometimes i think i invest way too much in people who never once asked me to invest in them.

sometimes i wonder if i create situations in my mind. if i take real events and embellish them too much in my brain.

sometimes i miss a voice mail that was potentially a huge opportunity and everyone tells me it means something better is coming but i dont want something better, i want that missed opportunity.

sometimes i listen to cast albums and daydream about being onstage every day for the rest of my life

sometimes i just wish i already lived in florida

sometimes i am obsessive over Josh Groban and i dont care because i legitimately want a man like him.

sometimes i am such a damn clutz and i'm frequently terrified of ruining my career with a fall or a twisted ankle

sometimes i have to remind myself that i'm talented

sometimes i worry that i've crossed the threshold from just single to just pathetic

sometimes i really want to meet Kevin Bacon

sometimes i stop making sense in my own blog posts.

...

sometimes a day can start out completely hopeful and you can get home and crawl into bed feeling so small.

The No Complaining Game.

I've been in the company of some complainers lately.

(well. just one in particular)

I honestly can't tell you how angry it makes me when people can't just be happy with what they have.

Sure there are times when we are uncomfortable, or sad, or whatever.

but what is the point of whining loudly about these things,

when in the grand scheme of our lives, we are so incredibly lucky.

SO.

Today.

and always.

I am Grateful for:

The opportunity to wear an uncomfortable corset with a bruised tailbone and stand under sweltering lights because I would rather be onstage than doing pretty much anything else in the entire world.

For these people who I rarely agree with on many topics, who have the innate ability to drive me completely bonkers, but who I am lucky to call my family because they will always love and support me in whatever I choose to do.

For this place where I spend five days a week, often feeling under-appreciated, while carrying heavy trays full of food to sometimes very ungrateful customers. But, it puts money in my pocket and keeps a roof over my head, gas in my car, and I have met some of the most wonderful people through working here.

For these humans, who are loud and unpredictable, and moody, and occasionally bitchy, but who I cannot imagine my life without. My friends are my extended family, and I would be lost without their daily dose of insanity. 

Life is too short to focus on the little things that make us unhappy. 

So why waste your time, energy, breath, on complaining about something small,

when you can use your energy and talents praising the things in life which make you happiest.

Lets all play a "No Complaining" game this week.

Just give it a try. Anytime you feel like complaining about something little

find something good to talk about instead.

Just for kicks and giggles. See if it works.

I'm gonna try it to, because I'm just as guilty as complaining as the next person.

Scattered

just a taste of the way my brain works right now.

• Scheduling my life between trying to maintain a good reputation at work, behave professionally for CHARM and gearing up for two auditions, Death of a Salesman, working my second job and still working 5 days a week at OliveGarden is.... exhausting. I'm thrilled to be busy though, it means I'm not one of those graduates who get their degree and have no jobs open to them. I'm lucky enough to have a job with a Theatre Company, a paying acting job, and a 'muggle' job waiting tables, which is 3 times as much work as some college graduates have. I'm all over the place, but i'm grateful.
• Men are... confusing. I have feelings for one person, I've been seeing someone else casually, I'm infatuated with a co-worker... and none of it seems to make any sense. I am honestly too busy to really try and worry about dating or a relationship, but it is something I can't help thinking about every damn day. Sometimes I think i'm letting myself settle for something less than I really deserve. But then I wonder if its possible that what I deserve doesnt exist in this circle of people i'm around. Am I supposed to just... wait? Sit here, lonely and anxious, and hope that when I move ( 7 months from now ) something better will show up? IDK, confusing.
• I'm OBSESSED with The West Wing. I grew up watching this show with my mom, and now that the entire series is on Netflix I've re-discovered just how wonderful it really is. I honestly think everyone should watch it. Its smart, witty, intense, driven.... Aaron Sorkin is a goddamn genius and I mean that 100%. Seriously. Give it a shot. 
• I'm auditioning for Les Miserables at Pioneer this week and i'm petrified, but really really stoked at the same time. I've got at great song that loves my voice, and I'm driving down to the audition with Nick Morris, who is good luck, i've decided. I'm also auditioning for Saturday's Voyeur at SLAC next week (as soon as I remember to call for an audition slot). Both are paid, equity level, shows, and either would be a fantastic way to keep this whole "working actor" thing moving forward.
• I'm cutting out negative humans from my life. If you treat me or my friends badly, or generally carry yourself with a negative attitude, please know that I'm not allowing that kindof energy into my life anymore and I will disassociate myself from you. I want to be surrounded with laughter and smiles and joy and honesty and sincerity. I want to know that if i'm having a bad day you will sympathize and help me find the positives in my life, and in return I will do the same for you. It is so much more difficult to be a negative human than a positive one, and I'm picking the easier road.
• The temperature lately is madness. a 4* high for the day is NOT ACCEPTABLE. #ReasonsToMoveToFlorida is my new hashtag for anything winter related. Also, all I want is to cuddle all the time.
• My dog is the cutest. The end.
• I'm panicked about the fact that I wasnt notified about paying some insurance premiums until after my coverage had lapsed, and I'm not sure I was actually covered when I made my emergency room visit.... I'll figure it out but... yikes.
• It is important to remind the people in your life that you love them. Every day. You never know when they will be gone.
• I still havent had a chance to go see Katrina and baby Ingrid, and i'm dying on the inside because of it. Hopefully next week before I get into Salesman rehearsals I'll be able to find a day to make the trip down. I miss my girl, and I'm so excited to meet her beautiful baby. 
• A bruised tailbone is VERY inconvenient. After my New Years Day tumble down the stairs, It's been healing slowly, and I feel like I'm in the most painful part of the healing process. there arent many comfortable ways to sit anymore, so I kindof suck it up and deal. between the tailbone, and the corset wearing, and my heartburn issues, i'm a hot mess. 
• I'm considering joining Anytime Fitness because it is a 24hr gym, which means I could go after rehearsals or at 1am if I can't sleep.... 
• but lately Midnight has been my breaking point for sleeping. My long days with no naps prevent my night-owl habits, which is great.

Goodnight, my friends.