matters of the heart

those who know me. really know me. they know i hold this deep, hopeless romanticism inside me.

i'm the girl who dreams of chance meetings

love at first sight

two perfect halves making one whole.

i daydream about meeting someone in central park

our dogs become best friends

then we become best friends

then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

but i've also experienced a lot of things that

...

left me jaded.

i've fallen for those guys who are good on paper

but whose reality is less than satisfactory.

its been a hard road, this love-life of mine.

and for the last two years i've remained single.

spent a lot of time figuring myself out

figuring out where certain things went wrong

learning how to handle life on my own.

and i've gotten pretty good at it.

i'm used to being independent and to sleeping alone

and to guarding my heart against the kindof people who won't know how to handle it.

but i've never fully given up hope.

i've continued to dream

and plan

and believe that someone will come along to warm my heart back up

to inspire the kind of joy and laughter and spark that i know i deserve.

and it may be happening.

and its exciting and fun and confusing.

and i'm enjoying how happy i feel.

but i'm also terrified. 

because this time i'm not so foolish

and this time i'm not so young

and this time it feels different.

so what if things go wrong

and then i'm more damaged than i was before?

i'm trying to remind myself to just take it day by day

and things will go the way they are supposed to.

because i'm hopeful

overall, i'm still just

hopeful.