100 questions for my 100th post.

Because I'm bored and because I can. 

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
   "And we just stared at each other, must've been around four minutes at least." - from Marachino by Neil Labute, featured in a book of his short stories called Seconds of Pleasure
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
   My window
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
   Being bored on the interwebs
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
   30 Rock, had to watch two episodes to catch up to where my man-friend and I are in our viewing of the show from beginning to end.
5. Without looking, guess what time it is
   5:40
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
   5:50
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
   The analog clock ticking on my wall
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
   When I got home from work, to check the mail.
9. Did you dream last night?
   Not that I recall. I had a really restless night for some reason.
10. Do you remember your dreams?
    Very VERY rarely
11. When did you last laugh?
    Dunno
12. Do you remember why / at what?
    It was probably at a text message from my man-friend
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
    Postcards, photos, memories, records, memorabilia from my life.
14. Seen anything weird lately?
    Just the epic amounts of snow that have been falling this winter.
15. What do you think of this quiz?
    Its a quiz. I feel like I'm back in high school on LiveJournal.
16. What is the last film you saw?
    HOOK, watched it last night with the man-friend.
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
    I want a loft in NYC, a beach house in Panama City, FL, and a condo in Park City for funsies.
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
    I'd pay off my school loans, and then buy a loft in NYC.
19. Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
    I've never broken a bone, only suffered minor/major sprains and one cut bad enough for stitches
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
    Intolerance
21. Do you like to dance?
    30 second dance parties get me through the day at work.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
    Absolutely. France or Britain would be my first choice.
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
    When I went by Meg my first email adress was GEM2512. Now IDK what Maggie could anagram to...
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
    Man-Friend
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
    A copy of my headshot
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
    This summer, with David and Stephanie
27. Type of music you like most?
    Showtunes, mostly. And Indie-ish things. And Josh Groban.
28. Type of music you dislike most?
    Anything that screams at me.
29. Are you listening to music right now?
    None. Which is strange.
30. What color is your bedroom carpet?
    I have a brown rug on the hardwood floor.
31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
    Better insulation, and a central air system with heat and AC
32. What was the last thing you bought?
    A latte
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
    Not nearly enough, but yes
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
    No No No. Never, Ever, No.
35. Do you have a garden?
    Nope
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
    I think it's offensive when people don't. I can also sing the harmonies.
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
    Am I late? Coffee? How long can I lay here before the dog realizes I'm awake?
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
    Josh Groban.
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
    My Tanner.
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    Victoria's Secret
41. What time is bed time?
    I try not to stay up past Midnight much anymore.
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
43. How many tattoos do you have?
    Four.
44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
    Since I have four, i'll tell you what they are. A Fleur De Lis on my back, a symbol meaning Independence on my hip, the word SIDE on my ribs, and the word SHINY on my foot.
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
    Went to see Les Miserables with my family and then ate delicious eclair cake.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
    Nope
47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
    Pizza last night.
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
    Technically the space where there isn't water is occupied by air, so it's all full.
49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
    When I lived in Tallahassee, FL i traveled to Portland, OR. That was probably the farthest i'd been from where I was living.
50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
    Too long ago. This summer sometime maybe.
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
    Competing for the TCC Forensics team, I won several.
52. Are you a good cook?
    I can be. 
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
    F'Real?
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
    Audrey Hepburn
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
    Junior High. It was aweful.
56. Do you touch-type?
    I don't know what that means.
57. What's under your bed?
    My violin, a box of programs and cards, a box of personal things.
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
    Not exactly....
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
    Coffee. Him.
60. Where were you on Valentine's day?
    Last year I had class and then went to dinner with Tanner and got drunk with him and several other humans in my basement while watching Clue and Yes, Man.
61. What time do you get up?
    When I'm at home in my own bed I get up around 9am.
62. What was the name of your first pet?
    Murphy, an english cocker spaniel.
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
    Some lady from AnytimeFitness
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
    Trying to get my work shift covered. Possibly a get together at His house with the roomies and or some friends.
65. How are you feeling right now?
    Hungry, cold, kindof anxious. BORED.
66. What do you think about the most?
    The Future.
67. What time do you get up in the morning?
    I just answered this question. So I'm going to tell you that my favorite color is Orange instead.
68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
    until after I got the first payment and began paying off my school loans.
69. Who would you tell first?
    Mom.
70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
    Les Miserables
71. Do you sing in the shower?
    Who Doesnt?
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    REPEAT AGAIN. If i had to pick another store I would chose Cotton On
73. What do you do most when you are bored?
    Interwebs
74. What do you do for a living?
    Wait tables and work in the theatre.
75. Do you love your job?
    I love Theatre, I enjoy waiting tables on occasion.
76. What did you want to be when you grew up?
    I used to want to be a teacher.
77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
    Acting/Singing is the only thing I can imagine doing.
78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
    Chicken.
79. How many keys on your key ring?
    Two. I downsized ALOT
80. Where would you retire to?
    Orlando, FL
81. What kind of car do you drive?
    2000 Ford Focus- The Grey Lady.
82. What are your best physical features?
    My hair and Eyes.
83. What are your best characteristics?
    Understanding, a good listener, a devoted friend.
84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
    Orlando/Tallahassee or NYC
85. What kind of books do you like to read?
    All of them. I like dramas and romances and fantasy
86. Where would you want to retire to?
    REPEAT. Instead I will tell you that my least favorite food is Fish.
87. What is your favorite time of the day?
    Early afternoon, but only when I don't have to be at work.
88. Where did you grow up?
    Mostly in Clearfield UT, but i did the most "growing up" of my life in Orlando.
89. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
    Pocatello, ID is about 4 hours away I think.
90. What are you reading now?
    Death of a Salesman, Independence, and Seconds of Pleasure
91. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
    NIGHTS
92. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
    Nope. 
93. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
    Yep.
94. Do you have pets?
    Buster Brown is my babydog. He's the best.
95. How many rings before you answer the phone?
    I try not to let the Harry Potter theme end.
96. What is your best childhood memory?
    Playing dress-up with my cousins 
97. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
    Night Janitor for a bank, Babysitter, To-Go Specialist at Applebees (twice), Subway Sandwich Artist, Server
98. Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?
    I'm starting to feel like life might actually be making sense.
99. What is most important in life?
    Love. Friendly love, Family love, Romantic Love. It's the thing that makes everything worth it.
100. What Inspires You?
     Passion, Heart, Devotion.

Silly. But Now you've got random facts about me. 

I've officially blogged 100 times in this venue. 

Here's to 100 more.

matters of the heart

those who know me. really know me. they know i hold this deep, hopeless romanticism inside me.

i'm the girl who dreams of chance meetings

love at first sight

two perfect halves making one whole.

i daydream about meeting someone in central park

our dogs become best friends

then we become best friends

then fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

but i've also experienced a lot of things that

...

left me jaded.

i've fallen for those guys who are good on paper

but whose reality is less than satisfactory.

its been a hard road, this love-life of mine.

and for the last two years i've remained single.

spent a lot of time figuring myself out

figuring out where certain things went wrong

learning how to handle life on my own.

and i've gotten pretty good at it.

i'm used to being independent and to sleeping alone

and to guarding my heart against the kindof people who won't know how to handle it.

but i've never fully given up hope.

i've continued to dream

and plan

and believe that someone will come along to warm my heart back up

to inspire the kind of joy and laughter and spark that i know i deserve.

and it may be happening.

and its exciting and fun and confusing.

and i'm enjoying how happy i feel.

but i'm also terrified. 

because this time i'm not so foolish

and this time i'm not so young

and this time it feels different.

so what if things go wrong

and then i'm more damaged than i was before?

i'm trying to remind myself to just take it day by day

and things will go the way they are supposed to.

because i'm hopeful

overall, i'm still just

hopeful.

sometimes i think i'm so comfortable with being alone that i'm afraid of letting someone ruin my comfort.

sometimes i think i invest way too much in people who never once asked me to invest in them.

sometimes i wonder if i create situations in my mind. if i take real events and embellish them too much in my brain.

sometimes i miss a voice mail that was potentially a huge opportunity and everyone tells me it means something better is coming but i dont want something better, i want that missed opportunity.

sometimes i listen to cast albums and daydream about being onstage every day for the rest of my life

sometimes i just wish i already lived in florida

sometimes i am obsessive over Josh Groban and i dont care because i legitimately want a man like him.

sometimes i am such a damn clutz and i'm frequently terrified of ruining my career with a fall or a twisted ankle

sometimes i have to remind myself that i'm talented

sometimes i worry that i've crossed the threshold from just single to just pathetic

sometimes i really want to meet Kevin Bacon

sometimes i stop making sense in my own blog posts.

...

sometimes a day can start out completely hopeful and you can get home and crawl into bed feeling so small.

The No Complaining Game.

I've been in the company of some complainers lately.

(well. just one in particular)

I honestly can't tell you how angry it makes me when people can't just be happy with what they have.

Sure there are times when we are uncomfortable, or sad, or whatever.

but what is the point of whining loudly about these things,

when in the grand scheme of our lives, we are so incredibly lucky.

SO.

Today.

and always.

I am Grateful for:

The opportunity to wear an uncomfortable corset with a bruised tailbone and stand under sweltering lights because I would rather be onstage than doing pretty much anything else in the entire world.

For these people who I rarely agree with on many topics, who have the innate ability to drive me completely bonkers, but who I am lucky to call my family because they will always love and support me in whatever I choose to do.

For this place where I spend five days a week, often feeling under-appreciated, while carrying heavy trays full of food to sometimes very ungrateful customers. But, it puts money in my pocket and keeps a roof over my head, gas in my car, and I have met some of the most wonderful people through working here.

For these humans, who are loud and unpredictable, and moody, and occasionally bitchy, but who I cannot imagine my life without. My friends are my extended family, and I would be lost without their daily dose of insanity. 

Life is too short to focus on the little things that make us unhappy. 

So why waste your time, energy, breath, on complaining about something small,

when you can use your energy and talents praising the things in life which make you happiest.

Lets all play a "No Complaining" game this week.

Just give it a try. Anytime you feel like complaining about something little

find something good to talk about instead.

Just for kicks and giggles. See if it works.

I'm gonna try it to, because I'm just as guilty as complaining as the next person.

Scattered

just a taste of the way my brain works right now.

• Scheduling my life between trying to maintain a good reputation at work, behave professionally for CHARM and gearing up for two auditions, Death of a Salesman, working my second job and still working 5 days a week at OliveGarden is.... exhausting. I'm thrilled to be busy though, it means I'm not one of those graduates who get their degree and have no jobs open to them. I'm lucky enough to have a job with a Theatre Company, a paying acting job, and a 'muggle' job waiting tables, which is 3 times as much work as some college graduates have. I'm all over the place, but i'm grateful.
• Men are... confusing. I have feelings for one person, I've been seeing someone else casually, I'm infatuated with a co-worker... and none of it seems to make any sense. I am honestly too busy to really try and worry about dating or a relationship, but it is something I can't help thinking about every damn day. Sometimes I think i'm letting myself settle for something less than I really deserve. But then I wonder if its possible that what I deserve doesnt exist in this circle of people i'm around. Am I supposed to just... wait? Sit here, lonely and anxious, and hope that when I move ( 7 months from now ) something better will show up? IDK, confusing.
• I'm OBSESSED with The West Wing. I grew up watching this show with my mom, and now that the entire series is on Netflix I've re-discovered just how wonderful it really is. I honestly think everyone should watch it. Its smart, witty, intense, driven.... Aaron Sorkin is a goddamn genius and I mean that 100%. Seriously. Give it a shot. 
• I'm auditioning for Les Miserables at Pioneer this week and i'm petrified, but really really stoked at the same time. I've got at great song that loves my voice, and I'm driving down to the audition with Nick Morris, who is good luck, i've decided. I'm also auditioning for Saturday's Voyeur at SLAC next week (as soon as I remember to call for an audition slot). Both are paid, equity level, shows, and either would be a fantastic way to keep this whole "working actor" thing moving forward.
• I'm cutting out negative humans from my life. If you treat me or my friends badly, or generally carry yourself with a negative attitude, please know that I'm not allowing that kindof energy into my life anymore and I will disassociate myself from you. I want to be surrounded with laughter and smiles and joy and honesty and sincerity. I want to know that if i'm having a bad day you will sympathize and help me find the positives in my life, and in return I will do the same for you. It is so much more difficult to be a negative human than a positive one, and I'm picking the easier road.
• The temperature lately is madness. a 4* high for the day is NOT ACCEPTABLE. #ReasonsToMoveToFlorida is my new hashtag for anything winter related. Also, all I want is to cuddle all the time.
• My dog is the cutest. The end.
• I'm panicked about the fact that I wasnt notified about paying some insurance premiums until after my coverage had lapsed, and I'm not sure I was actually covered when I made my emergency room visit.... I'll figure it out but... yikes.
• It is important to remind the people in your life that you love them. Every day. You never know when they will be gone.
• I still havent had a chance to go see Katrina and baby Ingrid, and i'm dying on the inside because of it. Hopefully next week before I get into Salesman rehearsals I'll be able to find a day to make the trip down. I miss my girl, and I'm so excited to meet her beautiful baby. 
• A bruised tailbone is VERY inconvenient. After my New Years Day tumble down the stairs, It's been healing slowly, and I feel like I'm in the most painful part of the healing process. there arent many comfortable ways to sit anymore, so I kindof suck it up and deal. between the tailbone, and the corset wearing, and my heartburn issues, i'm a hot mess. 
• I'm considering joining Anytime Fitness because it is a 24hr gym, which means I could go after rehearsals or at 1am if I can't sleep.... 
• but lately Midnight has been my breaking point for sleeping. My long days with no naps prevent my night-owl habits, which is great.

Goodnight, my friends. 

Feeling the Burn (In a bad way)

Right at the end of last semester I had a week where my entire chest hurt like mad.

It was achey and sore, but internally, not muscularly.

It was insane, and terrible.

and my mother and I finally (self)diagnosed it as 

HEARTBURN

Terrible. So painful.

But i bought some TUMS, popped them like candy for a few days,

and then I was fine. 

I figured "Eh, Stress related"

Because once finals and graduation were over, it didnt come back even once during the holidays.

Well, the bitch is back and with a vengeance this time.

All week I've been having sharp, piercing heartburn right behind my sternum.

Often compounded by the fact that I'm wearing a corset for 3 hours a day in rehearsal.

Its a more concentrated heartburn this time around,

and I'm waking up with Acid Reflux symptoms...

ughh. Terrible.

Anyways. I've decided to take some steps to help it, because carrying a huge thing of Tums in my purse is obnoxious.

I researched some "Heartburn Triggers" as far as food,

Web MD's top ten list is as follows, and I've highlighted the ones that I consume the most of:

1. Citrus
2. Tomatoes
3. Garlic & Onions
4. Spicy Foods
5. Peppermint
6. Fatty foods like Cheese, Nuts & Steak
7. Alcohol
8. Coffee & Caffiene
9. Chocolate
10. Carbonation

ALL BUT TWO THINGS on the list are in my diet fairly regulaly.

annoying.

Health.com also cites Stress, ibuprofin usage, being overweight, and late night snacking as triggers.

This last week was insanely stressful

I've been popping Ibuprofin alot for my bruised tailbone

I'm not overweight, but I'm not at a healthy weight.

and I am the QUEEN of late night snackage.

So basically it should come as NO surprise that I am dealing with this issue.

First Step: 

Stop Eating after 9pm. I'm going to do everything possible to avoid eating that late from now on.

Second Step: 

Control how much of the "trigger foods" i'm consuming. This will be tricky because I LOVE

Tomatoes

 and Coffee

and Garlic 

and Onions 

and Chocolate

and alcohol 

and CHEESE (and bacon and nuts...)

but if it means no more piercing, burning pain... worth it. 

Third Step:
Be more active and work on dropping some LBs. 

Its one of my goals to lose 25 by the summer, so It's time to get to work.

Fourth Step:

BREATHE deeply and try to remember 

that unless it is a life-threatening situation, it isn't worth stressing about.

I'm also getting back on an OTC acid reflux pill that I started taking a while back.

...And carrying Tums with me EVERYWHERE

just in case.