Emotions

Sometimes I have moments of overwhelming "WHAAAAAHHH???!!!??" Less and less often lately, but they still happen. The melancholy and the watery eyes and the defeatism creep in. This morning was one of those times. I decided to take a dose of my own advice and talk to someone, so I sent my incredible roommate a text and talked it out a bit. It took our text chat this morning, and chatting with another friend at work, and then more roomie talk tonight, for me to realize that what I was feeling about certain situations weren't big problems.

I have been happy lately. So much more consistently happy than I've been maybe ever. I am surrounded by INCREDIBLE humans who love me and who bring out the absolute best in me. I was so very privileged to be a part of a play that was magical, inspiring, and challenging to work on. It was an amazing way to end my performance career at WSU, and while the thought of not performing at Weber anymore is strange, I'm glad I had the experiences I did, and I'm ready to move forward. I live in a pretty decent house, with great house-mates, the most adorable dog. My family is supportive, loving, silly, and amazing. I am healthy. I am getting a college degree in two months. I am lucky. Very, Very Lucky. and Very Very Blessed.

So when I have a day such as this one, where I feel defeated and overwhelmed with negativity, and I just want to curl up in a ball in my bed and cry, I have to take a step back and examine the situation. It takes a different perspective on what has been happening in my life, and when I realized that certain events, while not making me sad, didn't exactly make me happy, that's when I knew.

Life is too fun and bright and beautiful to settle. Choosing someone or something just because you're feeling like there aren't other options isn't the way to do it. I'm getting ready to embark on an exciting new path. I'm getting my degree and making plans to get the heck out of dodge and do something new. I'm hitting my stride, and I don't need "potentials" and "maybes" and "i guess so's" getting in my way. I can do this on my own, and eventually there will be someone else who's stride matches mine and we'll just move forward together. It will happen. I just have to focus on me so that it can.