on living

life is just weird. things go day by day and its suddenly July and your summer is almost over, and you're supposed to be moving in a month, and everything is all a blur.

I've been 95% vegetarian for over a week now. Its been good. I like it. Today was hard, I was craving chicken something hardcore. But i'm over it, I now want some killer Mac & Cheese, and I'm gonna get some no matter what I have to do. Its tricky, but I'm enjoying it. Who knows what the scale has to say, I've been hitting the gym at least 3-4 days a week so far, and we'll see how it goes.

Its July. Me and Katrina and Shelby are supposed to be finding a place to move into by the end of the month, first of August.... gah. Stress. Its hard finding something affordable and pet-friendly and close to school. Katrina and I have been spending our days off on the House Hunt, but so far nothing's really turned up. I've got a bunch of calls to make this week, hopefully set up more appointments and go find something fantastic asap. I need to know that we're gonna be set, because its stressing me out a ton. This house I'm in now makes me insane, I can't focus when I'm here and Its driving me nuts, and the fact that we're struggling to find somewhere new is making it worse. We'll find something, I know, but still... buhh.

Also Relevant to the topic of July is that for the last two July's in a row I have ended relationships. Two years ago it was Mike- the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.The distance and his lack of faith in our potential, or my willingness to support him, made it impossible for us to work anymore. Last year it was James- the alcoholic drug addict who lied to me through our whole relationship, made me open my still healing heart to him and then pushed me away.
This July, I'm single, and lonely, and trying desperately to not be desperate. Sassy.Sexy.Single, right??

Lastly, I've never thought my life was something worth people talking about. I tend to live a pretty low-key, uneventful, drama free existance. But it was brought to my attention today that, for whatever reason, one of my physical liasons from months ago is the subject of conversation for a girl I barely know. Odd. Its the weirdest sensation to realize that people you've met maybe twice know details of your personal life, things she's have no reason to know if it werent for some people and their big mouths. And it made me think.... how much am I one of those people that shares information behind someone's back? Do I do it frequently? I try not to, I hope I don't, but maybe I should be more aware of it. Luckily, this time around the stories being told weren't lies, and they weren't damaging to anyone's reputation or feelings (I hope), but still, I'm going to try and put a check on my own big mouth from now one.

living. breathing. working. existing. surviving. I'm kindof desperate for school to start so I can start feeling something again.