Simple

School started up just about a month ago and things have been chugging right along. Classes, rehearsals, seeing shows, auditioning for shows, homework, friends.... it's all just sailing by. I can't believe we open CHARM in two weeks. I graduate with my bachelors degree in just 86 days (including weekends and holidays...but who's counting?). Nothing is taking its time about this semester, and I'm pretty okay with that. I've been feeling so content, peaceful, adjusted... it's a pretty sweet change. And I'm pretty sure it was all to do with some major things that got put into perspective over the summer.

Some of my dearest friends had a pretty taxing summer break: Illnesses, breakups, family rifts, addiction problems, the works.

But it was inspiring to watch these incredible friends of mine deal with their struggles in such a strong and mature way. Sure it was tough, sure people had breakdowns and got lost on the way, but everyone is landing on their feet and proving that it takes a lot more than whatever life threw at them to knock them out.

SO

I decided that for this school year I wanted to focus on proving to myself that I could handle the hard-knocks life was going to throw at me. I can take care of myself.

I also wanted to focus less on other people and what their business was.
I wanted to be fully involved in my own life, and I wanted to be there for my friends but also take the time to care for myself and be healthy and happy. So I approached this semester with an outlook of positivity. I wanted to look at the bright side of things, avoid gossiping about people, spend quality time with the people I love. This little mantra hangs on the wall in our living room:

I've decided to be, at the very least, an Average mind. And I aspire to be a Great mind. It takes work, and I'm not 100% there yet, but even just keeping the idea in the back of my head has made a huge difference.

ALSO- I'm chosing to be happy. I laugh. I play. I stay involved. I do the things I want to do. I make a concious decision to be an 'up' person. 

That's all it takes. Finding the joy in the little things, worrying less about the small stuff and trusting that the big stuff will end up as it should. Watching some of my closest friends struggle with some pretty huge life stuff this summer has made me realize just how important it is to treasure what we have, and know that those day-to-day worries are tiny in the grand scheme of things. And that, unless a life is on the line, those 'stressful' events aren't really all that bad.

such a 

Simple Idea

has such

Grand Side-Effects

and it's 

Simply Wonderful.

I'm realizing

I am a good friend. I'm the friend people come talk to, they vent, they spill, they unload all their worries to and I try to hep them piece things together. I like helping people, especially people I love and care about.

But by being this friend, this person who is always caring for other people, I'm forgetting about myself. I spend so much time making sure this person is okay, and this person doesnt feel lonely, and this person likes where we're eating, and these people won't have to talk at the party.... And I rarely think- "I'm not okay. I feel lonely. I dont want to eat there. I don't care if they don't like that person, I want to go to the party."

I need to start being more selfish, for my own sake, I think. I don't want to stop being someone that people can talk to or ask for advice, but I'm tired of letting other people's problems and concerns outweigh my own.

All i wanted to do tonight was go to sushi with my friend who is visiting from out of town. A guy whose company I quite enjoy and who I havent seen in over a year. But because I was so concerned about pleasing another friend, I missed out on sushi, and ended up eating Olive Garden, then sitting in my room watching RuPaul's Drag Race with this other friend and my gay boys*. (*See also: reasons i'm single) Now I work all day tomorrow, and he leaves the state again on Friday, and I'm upset that I lost the chance to hang out and flirt and have a good time because I was too concerned about what other people wanted to do. And I ended up watching probably 2 more episodes than I wanted to because I didn't want to seem bitchy.

I'm going to start being bitchy. I'm going to stop catering to what I think other people want. I'm still going to be a friend to people; I'm not going to stop hanging out or listening to or caring about the people I love. But I'm not going to let my friendships control every little aspect of my life. I'm going to flirt with boys at work who I like. I'm going to say no if I don't want to be the only single person at an event. I'm going to stop letting myself get dragged into ridiculous bullshit that I'm not remotely involved in. 

Its time to focus on Maggie. I'm finishing school, I'm looking towards being independent, moving somewhere new, striking out on my own. And I need to learn how to be a good friend without giving up all of myself. That's going to be one of my goals this semester, I think. Its definitely time for something to give, and I think this is it.

Grateful

Summer is winding its way to a close.
I'm working like crazy, but still finding time to enjoy what I have left of my break.
Dad took us to see WICKED.
I'm spending time with Shae & Luke & Matt and its wonderful.
Getting closer and closer to CHARM and working on finding exciting things with my characters.
Spending as much time as possible with my Buster Brown. I keep thinking one day he won't be so damn cute. But that day never seems to come. :)

I just got my financial aid award- $9,200 for the fall semester.
Seriously.
I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am.
This means I won't have to worry about rent/utilities/bills.
And I can just focus on being a good student and getting my degree finished and not stressing about not being able to work.

I'm grateful. SO grateful for the people in my life,
and the opportunities that have been presented to me.
Things sometimes feel desperate, I get lonely, I get anxious.
But I have an incredible support system.
I have a good job. Amazing friends. An adorable dog.
And I'm on the brink of my final semester of school.
Things are just starting to get good.
:)

CHARM

"...We are spiritual beings as much as we are flesh and blood, and we are seekers - it is our duty as human beings not to have all the right answers, but to keep asking the right questions." -Kathleen Cahill 

We had our first read-through and meeting as a cast last night and I am finally feeling more excited than scared about the production of Charm that we are doing this fall at school. I love our cast, and after hearing everything brought to life by the voices of my incredibly talented friends it feels real finally. Its going to be an incredibly challenging process, and working with Tracy will be something that I'm sure will work every intellectual and physical and emotional muscle in my body, but it feels like an experience that overall will be incredibly rewarding. This play is magical, and there is so much  heart and humor and poetry within the script that I can't wait to see come to life with this group of people.  We're going to have the opportunity to work with Kathleen and bring her words and her world to life and that is an opportunity you don't get often in a collegiate setting. But it's thrilling, and terrifying all at the same time. I need something like that right now, because this summer has turned into an endless, droning, inane time. Its time for a little magic in my world. 

"I think the theatre should offer a world you've never seen before and can't experience anywhere else." - Kathleen Cahill

sometimes

you take a bubble-bath and drink wine and watch Mean Girls

sometimes you drink more wine in a night than you probably should

sometimes you work two shifts at your new job and love how busy it is

sometimes you watch Labyrinth at 1am with your Matt because neither of you can sleep.

sometimes you realize your hometown isn't where you grew up

sometimes you'd rather be in your hometown than anywhere else in the world