CHARM

"...We are spiritual beings as much as we are flesh and blood, and we are seekers - it is our duty as human beings not to have all the right answers, but to keep asking the right questions." -Kathleen Cahill 

We had our first read-through and meeting as a cast last night and I am finally feeling more excited than scared about the production of Charm that we are doing this fall at school. I love our cast, and after hearing everything brought to life by the voices of my incredibly talented friends it feels real finally. Its going to be an incredibly challenging process, and working with Tracy will be something that I'm sure will work every intellectual and physical and emotional muscle in my body, but it feels like an experience that overall will be incredibly rewarding. This play is magical, and there is so much  heart and humor and poetry within the script that I can't wait to see come to life with this group of people.  We're going to have the opportunity to work with Kathleen and bring her words and her world to life and that is an opportunity you don't get often in a collegiate setting. But it's thrilling, and terrifying all at the same time. I need something like that right now, because this summer has turned into an endless, droning, inane time. Its time for a little magic in my world. 

"I think the theatre should offer a world you've never seen before and can't experience anywhere else." - Kathleen Cahill

sometimes

you take a bubble-bath and drink wine and watch Mean Girls

sometimes you drink more wine in a night than you probably should

sometimes you work two shifts at your new job and love how busy it is

sometimes you watch Labyrinth at 1am with your Matt because neither of you can sleep.

sometimes you realize your hometown isn't where you grew up

sometimes you'd rather be in your hometown than anywhere else in the world

Time for Change

For the last three years of my life I've been working for a locally owned restaurant named Corbin's Grille. I have been relatively happy working there, my co-workers have become good friends and I have been able to enjoy myself and make a decent enough living working there.

But as I've starting thinking ahead towards graduation, and about how I'm going to survive once I'm no longer eligible for student loans, I've decided I need something a little more.... consistent. As much as I've loved my privately owned place of employment, they are small and unknown and the business is incredibly inconsitent. Summer months, especially, are slow as tar, and I'm not sure I could continue to make the kindof money necessary to live even my simple life and save up for a move to anywhere but here. So I applied to work at The Olive Garden, and was lucky enough to get hired!

I started training yesterday and I'm already exhausted. Two days of an endless stream of information that we're supposed to memorize. EXHAUSTING. But they feed us, and i'm getting paid minimum wage to learn this stuff for 7-8 hours a day for the whole week, so I can't complain too much. The business at Olive Garden, though it will vary like any restaurant, tends to be much more consistent. There are always people eating there, any time of day, any day of the year. Also, I'm working at the location on Riverdale Road, which is a mere 10-15 minute drive from home, as opposed to the 20-30 minute drive it takes to get to Corbin's. So even if I don't necessarily start out making more money, i'll be saving money on gas, which is a bonus in and of itself.

Another benefit for working for a chain restaurant like Olive Garden is that there are transfer opportunities. SO, if in a year I decide I want to move to Orlando, or New York, or Chicago, or LA, there will be an Olive Garden that potentially I could easily transfer to and have a built-in job. I'm also more likely/eligible for hire at any other Darden restaurant, most of which originated in Orlando (where I'm starting to feel like I need to be for a bit once I'm done here). I also am eligible for benefits, health and dental and vision insurance. These are things that in a year I will no longer be able to get through my parents, and if things continue the way they have with my dad's rocky employment status, I might as well get my own now.

It won't be the best place to work, i'm sure, but I'm way overdue for a change. I've been unhappy at my current job for a while; even though I love my co-workers, the place itself holds alot of not great memories, and there are things about the job that aren't much fun anymore. It has lost it's charm, I've become jaded and cynical about the place, and that doesnt lead to a good work experience. Conversely, in the last few weeks I have re-discovered my love for what I do. Its not what I want to do forever, but I do love serving. Working in the dining industry is insanely rewarding if you're doing your job right. I'm excited to get comfortable at The OG and start getting down to business making some moneys and delivering quality service to my guests. 


Anyways. Change is good. I'm looking towards the future and making plans for the school year and afterwards and thinking positively as often as possible. It's tricky at night sometimes. But I do my best. 


In other news. Weddings and the like, Matchmaking, Talented Friends in Fun Theatre. But I've already rambled enough, so I'll just say goodnight. <3

Limbo

Living in limbo. Summer always does this to me. I tell myself I'm looking forward to the break and then...

I get restless. I've already been on vacation, I've been in a show, I've been working and trying to manage my money.

But for whatever reason, there's this anxiety lurking over me, edging me to do something- but I have no idea what. I've been trying to prepare for CHARM, but because the stage manager hasn't given me my official script it's rather difficult (don't even get me started about our SM...). I wanted to see my friends and hang by the pool and have a ridiculously wonderfully lazy summer, but I'm staying at my mother's to save money on gas and therefore I'm having a terribly boring lazy summer. Plus, everyone is busy being in shows and living in Salt Lake and i'm just here like "Oh, hello midnight quesadilla, will you be my friend?"

I'm out of it. I'm lonely and anxious and oh so ready to just start this semester and get it over with so I can move on with my life. Utah is so stagnant, and dull, and I need to be somewhere that brings me joy and life and light and energy.

Holy long time, No post, Batman!

Almost two months since my last entry. When I last posted we were in the middle of rehearsals for Xanadu. I was in the middle of Finals, Juries, and auditions for next fall. Busy Busy Busy. And alot can happen in two months so... here comes a big ol' post.

So, in the aftermath of Finals, Juries, Autitions, I was initially not cast in any productions for the fall semester, though I felt really proud of both my auditions/callbacks. Charm and Lucky Stiff cast lists went up, and I was not on either of them, which I had kindof expected, but in my emotional... distress... I splurged on some new ink:

The original inspiration stems from the television show Firefly, which is one of my favorite shows. Within the context of the show the word 'shiny' is slang for "cool" or "understand?," kindof the way 'savvy' works. I'm obsessed with the show and I've been obsessed with the idea of a tattoo inspired by it for quite some time. In the aftermath I've realized I also really needed something positive and uplifting to keep me going. Also, I realized that 'shiny' can also be a reference to Xanadu, being the muse of the stars and planets is a pretty shiny job. :) I love it, and it makes me happy every time I see it. I got it in red, which looks like henna now that it's healed, and it's not visible onstage unless i'm barefoot and right up close in a black-box situation.

Xanadu was incredible. I made so many new friends, and grew incredibly close to people I've known for a while. There is not a single bad memory associated with the entire experience. I auditioned for Into The Woods at The Grand and was called back for Cinderella, and then something ridiculous happened....

due a number of reasons, there had to be some re-casting done for Charm, and I received a phone call from Tracy Callahan offering me the role(s) of Lydian Emerson/Old Woman/ Italian Woman, no questions asked. I debated for a while, Cinderella is kindof a dream role, but decided that a for-sure offered part was better than a maybe part. Plus it is my last semester at school and I've never had the opportunity to work with Tracy. I'm super excited, and super scared, and so so so ready to get to work.

And now it's the middle of summer break. I'm working and making mediocre money at Corbin's. I've been there for 3 years now and I'm just... ready to move on. I know that my manager trusts and respects me, he knows that I'm good at my job and responsible, and he's INCREDIBLY flexible with scheduling and one of the most understanding bosses when it comes to school/theatre. But the commute to Layton plus the pitiful tips i'm making isn't helping my financial situation and I just really need something closer to home here in Ogden. The tough part is being on a job search when I know that the minute school starts my availability will disappear. It's part of the problem I had with Heidi at Caffe Cafe. Whatever happens, things will work out, but right now I'm just... unsettled.

I decided to go to FL for a week! :) Mikey Hernandez and I booked a flight, stayed at his condo, and mooched off of friends for an INCREDIBLE week in Orlando. I missed Florida so much, it'd been three years since my last visit and it was so so so so so so so so so so so so good to be home. It felt like home, even without having a car, or a job, or being in Kissimmee, it felt like home. And i'm starting to feel like I might need an extended stay- like maybe for a year.... working for the parks and waiting tables and saving money while living in paradise. It's an incredibly alluring idea that I'm considering for after I graduate. 

But for now, I'm working, trying to save money, spending time with friends when I have a chance, and wishing someone would call and ask me out for sushi or pizza or even just coffee. I'm... lonely. My house is empty alot, because Shleb is in SLC and Luke is doing Lagoon and in a show... Its difficult to be in this house by myself all the time. And when I'm not busy I feel like i'm a little lost, drifting. Summer is long. I just gotta keep preparing for Charm and reminding myself that I've only got 6 months left of stuck before a whole hallway of doors unlocks for me....