My thoughts undo me...

"It's always this time of year that my thoughts undo me,

with the ghosts of many lifetimes all around.

But from theses mad heights I can always hear the sound

of the bells of New York City singing all around."

I'm in a funky place. The onset of the Holidays always does that to me. I get nostalgic and melancholy and lonely... and I overthink every little thing. It makes me ache to be somewhere other than where I am. I'm itching to be in Florida or New York, anywhere that isn't stagnant and routinely familiar like Utah has become. While I love the air of family and love and warmth that this season inspires, I tend to get lost in a jungle of emotions that is less than festive. Maybe its seasonal depression to some degree... who knows.

What I do know is that I'm moody and often anxious and unmotivated and confused. And It's time to start making bigger steps towards moving away from the same old stagnant life I'm currently stuck in. There's a light on the horizon, I just have to power through and get there...

To the Horizon...

Relating a little too well to this right now.

I mean really though. I'm such a Chandler.

I can do that.

So tonight I went to see The Addams Family on tour at The Capital Theatre. I love seeing musicals I don't know very well, it's an opportunity to find potential roles/productions that I may be auditioning for. And it's fun to see something new, like going to the movies, but better because it's live. This show was so ridiculously silly, very fun. Andrew Lippa did the score, and he's just so good. The music is fantastic. Its a much more pared down score than the one on the recording, alot of the songs on the soundtrack were not in the show, but I think that's a good thing. I think my favorite part was the Ancestor characters which made up the ensemble, and Uncle Fester was brilliant, and Gomez, Wednesday and Alice were all incredible as well. 

My new favorite thing to do when going to these touring shows, or when I saw shows in NYC this past spring, is watch and see what the choreography is like, listen to the vocal lines, and compare myself to the performers. It's been incredibly exciting to realize that I am not unrealistic in my dreams of being on stage professionally. Watching the show last night I focused a lot on the Ancestor Ensemble, and the majority of the dancing numbers were not out of my skill-set. It was a realization I needed last night. I was having a "what am I doing with my life" kindof day, feeling a bit unsure of myself and my goals. But last night at the show I was reminded that the performers on tour and on Broadway are just people, like me, who are passionate about being onstage. One of my favorite people in the cast coughed onstage during one of her songs, I also saw an ensemble member cough, and I love that. It's live theatre, nothing is perfect, and that's what makes it great. 

And Yeah,

I can do that.

:-D

The Power of Three.

I have lots of incredible friends.
I mean, lots.
I'm very lucky in that way.

But there's this connection between myself and these two that is something else.

You know how you have those friends who you just never get tired of being around.

Ever?

Shelb and Tan are those friends.

It's just easy to be friends with them.

Its one of those things where you don't have to pretend to be anything other than yourself

and you just have a grand ol' time hanging out together. No matter what.

Also, I have no idea why we always end up in that order for pictures... 

But apparently that's our thing. 

So so grateful for Shelby and Tanner in my life.

Just so you know

Ovarian Cysts are the Pits.

Yesterday I went through the absolute worst pain of my life.

Woke up at 5am with the worst stomach cramps ever.

I thought it was just a really bad gas bubble, or food poisoning or something.

But after 4 hours of unrelenting pain I couldn't take it anymore.

My brother drove up and took me to the clinic on campus,

where they did a brief physical exam and decided to send me to the ER.

The nurse at Weber suspected it was my gallbladder.

Made it to the hospital, trying to take deep cleansing breaths through the pain

but by the time I made it to my room and got into my hospital gown the pain was worse

I remember answering questions for the doctor and nurse,

I remember them putting in the IV

but mostly I remember my whole body shaking because i hurt so bad.

And the nurse telling me to not hyperventilate, I wasn't breathing because I hurt so badly.

Once the pain-meds and anti-nausea meds hit my system I was able to focus a bit more.

I made small-talk with the nurse who took me to my ultra-sound.

The ultrasound showed no signs of gallbladder distress, but didn't give any indication as to what was causing my pain.

So they sent me down for a CT-Scan.

I was able to joke with those nurses and survived the weird way the dye they put in my blood made me feel.

after my CT my pain increased a bit, but that was because they had to take out my IV to put in the contrast dye for my CT.

Finally, after my meds were back in my system,

and watching two episodes of CASTLE with my brother and dozing in and out

(my meds made me sleepy)

The doctor came in to tell me it was an ovarian cyst that had burst

and that I could go home.

...

and that was it. 

They prescribed me some Hydrocodone & Extra Strength IBuprofin.

And sent me on my way. 

I got to stay at my moms last night & today to recover.

Doctor's note excused me from working today.

My tummy is still a bit tender, but I feel just fine now

Even though I feel like sleeping constantly still, which i think is just my body repairing itself.

I'll be back in class tomorrow, good as new.

And praying that I never ever ever have to feel that way again.