This is a story about Breaking Through- Part 2

This semester is basically my Breaking Through story.

This week has been the most exhausting week EVER.

EVER.

I mean, hell week is supposed to happen the week before a show opens

not the week after. 

But, with auditions and callbacks for the spring shows

and homework

and trying to figure out how the HELL i'm going to get in all the rehearsals I need for Directing

Life is kindof crazy.

BUT, 

amidst all the insanity, there is something weird happening.

I got called back for Moll.

One of the main roles in Cradle Will Rock

and i was called back with people whose voices are NOTHING like mine.

which opened a door in my head:

Just because you arent a 'Maddie' or a "Rachel' or a 'Becca'

doesnt mean you arent as valid or talented or right for a role.

In fact

It may make you more right for a role.

And the fact that I WANT that role, kindof gives me an edge.

and I fought. FOUGHT FOUGHT FOUGHT

my way through that callback.

And it may not be me, but

at least I gave it EVERYTHING I had,

and I know that I'm right for the part

even if I'm not right for the production

and I know that I need to stop under-rating myself.

I'm better than I give myself credit for, I think.

And it's time to start believing that, truely.

Voice lessons, yet again, held more breakthrough moments

I was singing over my bridge like it never existed today.

Jim kept looking at me like I was someone he'd never seen

and that feels good.

no, not good

GREAT.

AMAZING.

and I think that I'm finally getting to a point where I feel like I deserve more

More than I've been letting myself have

More than I've been letting myself believe in.

and Its liberating.

And terrifying

but Incredible.

...

and I'm gushing.

but I just...

for once it feels like maybe I'm not fooling myself

Maybe I am good enough to make this happen

to live the dream

to be happy and successful.

And its insane, but wonderful

and perfect

and ugh... just right.