where has the time gone?

Somehow this semester has disappeared.

It feels like we just started classes, like I've barely seen some people I usually see LOTS of.

BUT

Only 3 days of classes left. 

Then three-ish days of finals.

Then
...

CHRISTMAS BREAK!!

Plans for Christmas Break

*Take Buster Brown on walks at least three times a week

*Work both jobs and save monies

*Eat better. Not necessarily less, but better.

*Clean & De-Junk my room, and organize for next semester.

*Watch Lots of Movies
*Drink Lots of Hot Chocolate (with Baileys, when appropriate)

*GO TO DISNEYLAND!!!

*Be Merry.
*Turn 24

Xanadu closed 10 days ago. And it feels like it was a beautiful dream that I got to live in for the semester. Life after Xanadu is much less exciting, much less joyous, much less glittery. But, I was exhausted after that run. Completely wiped. I think we all were. And it was nice to have a Thanksgiving Break to catch up on my sleep.

Thanksgiving was lovely. Much time spent at my mother's house with good food, good family, good couches, good TV, good movies, good bed. I got to sleep in my mother's big California King bed for 4 nights straight, and it was divine. My back has not adjusted back to my little bed at my house, and i'm definitely feeling it.

With the semester almost over I'm looking back at how much has changed, and I'm amazed at everything that's happened in what seems to be such a short amount of time:
* I've had 2 or 3 major actor/singer breakthrough moments. *I've stayed single, and remarkably crush free, for the entire semester. *I've grown close to SO many people in the department who I can't believe I've lived without.* I've completed (and received an A) on an Analysis of a play, and have been directing actors with what I feel is some pretty decent success.* I've stayed on the positive end of my bank account. *I've managed my money INCREDIBLY well for eating out as much as I have. *I was majorly injured for probably 75% of the semester, but I pulled through it and did a three week run of a VERY physical show. *I got cast in a show at Weber, not once, but twice (SO EXCITED FOR CRADLE!)

Things I never realized could happen in only 3.5 months. SO MANY THINGS. How everything (all of those things and more) fit into just one semester, I'll never know. But they did. And it was insane, and tough, and exhausting, and liberating, and exciting, and fun, and fast. And I loved it.

Sometimes (alot lately, actually) I start to get the winter blues. I've never had a good relationship with the winter months, and this year is no exception. BUT When i remember everything good that I've lived through this past semester, and how much I've grown and learned, It makes things a bit more bearable. It reminds me that I'm going to be okay. That even when work and heartache and loneliness and stress start getting to me, everything will be alright.

This is a story about Breaking Through- Part 2

This semester is basically my Breaking Through story.

This week has been the most exhausting week EVER.

EVER.

I mean, hell week is supposed to happen the week before a show opens

not the week after. 

But, with auditions and callbacks for the spring shows

and homework

and trying to figure out how the HELL i'm going to get in all the rehearsals I need for Directing

Life is kindof crazy.

BUT, 

amidst all the insanity, there is something weird happening.

I got called back for Moll.

One of the main roles in Cradle Will Rock

and i was called back with people whose voices are NOTHING like mine.

which opened a door in my head:

Just because you arent a 'Maddie' or a "Rachel' or a 'Becca'

doesnt mean you arent as valid or talented or right for a role.

In fact

It may make you more right for a role.

And the fact that I WANT that role, kindof gives me an edge.

and I fought. FOUGHT FOUGHT FOUGHT

my way through that callback.

And it may not be me, but

at least I gave it EVERYTHING I had,

and I know that I'm right for the part

even if I'm not right for the production

and I know that I need to stop under-rating myself.

I'm better than I give myself credit for, I think.

And it's time to start believing that, truely.

Voice lessons, yet again, held more breakthrough moments

I was singing over my bridge like it never existed today.

Jim kept looking at me like I was someone he'd never seen

and that feels good.

no, not good

GREAT.

AMAZING.

and I think that I'm finally getting to a point where I feel like I deserve more

More than I've been letting myself have

More than I've been letting myself believe in.

and Its liberating.

And terrifying

but Incredible.

...

and I'm gushing.

but I just...

for once it feels like maybe I'm not fooling myself

Maybe I am good enough to make this happen

to live the dream

to be happy and successful.

And its insane, but wonderful

and perfect

and ugh... just right.

To love someone, and to create art; That is XANADU!

I love my cast family:

Every day I get to create something wonderful with this AMAZING cast of Xanadu. Unfortunately my pictures with the boys are limited as of now- that will change this week. 

We've had three INCREDIBLE performances of our show, with 12 more to go, and I couldn't be more excited to get back into it. Two days off was lovely to get caught up on my life a bit, but I'm itching to get back into costume and hair and makeup and make some magic on that ridiculously cool stage. Every night we're creating a hilarious, beautiful, full of heart show that we get to share with our audiences. We've been blessed with fantastic crowds, and it's amazing to hear them laugh the entire way through the show, beginning to end. Not one person leaves the theatre without a smile on their face, and it's wonderful to be able to give that to people. THIS is why I love theatre. THIS is why I do what I do. THIS is what makes me a functioning being. THIS is how I plan on living the rest of my life, and that thrills me.