As of late

It's been a hot second since I've blogged.

But that's because I'm busy beyond belief

In the last two weeks:

> Finished an analysis of The Heidi Chronicles> Participated in my dear friend Karmon's wedding (pictures soon!)
>Finished my Stage costume class
>Rehearsals 5 nights a week
>Working at least One shift a week @ Corbins/Caffe Cafe
>Held auditions for directing I scenes
>cleaned my room (i've been able to see 85% of my floor for a whole week)
>Over-extended my ankle, and realized the same day that I don't have a choice: I HAVE to open this show in two weeks (cont. later)
> Been on a ridiculous emotional roller coaster
>Fall break, which wasnt really a break
> History and Lit midterm taken and (hopefully) passed

And you know, I've been trying to breathe and eat and sleep and not freak out at anyone

All while being incredibly emotional about EVERYTHING because I'm a girl and thats what we do.

So I'm re-focusing a bit this week
I've caught up with myself a bit
and It's time to get organized

and feel better about myself and life

and not procrastinate everything

and this week will be simple as compared to last week/next week

so I'm taking advantage of it.

Step 1:

HYDRATION/CLEANSE

Saw this on pinterest and thought I could give it a shot.
It's kindof a body cleanse/hydration challenge for me

Jim Christian sortof dared me to stop drinking coffee

ugh. hard. 

So, while i'm trying to work on that I can use this drink thing to help me consume more water and maybe drop some of the water retention i've got.

Even if it doesnt drop 5lbs of water weight, at least I'll be hydrated

and it actually tastes pretty good.

Step 2:

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Last Thursday as we left for class and I was feeling overwhelmed

Katrina said- "It's going to be a good day"

and i halfheartedly agreed.

she said- "no, say it like you mean it."

So i did.

and then it was a good day.

a really good day.

and I think it's worth a shot.

Step 3: 

BE ACTIVE

My ankle has been halfway holding me back.

I go all out on everything but skating at rehearsal

I walk around all day sans limp

I work full shifts at both jobs on my feet

but I havent started skating

and I've been avoiding moving in Modern class

and I need to stop babying it so much I think,

while still taking it easy I can start building up strength

PLUS

I'm so not ready for this show, fitness wise

My stamina is terrible, and not gonna cut it.

Two weeks folks.

I have to be show run worthy by November 4th

See- My grandparents spend the winter in Yuma, AZ

and they generally leave this week, or the week before halloween

but they postponed their trip so they could come see me on Opening night.

SOOO- despite the fact that I have a perfectly adorable swing who could do the show if my ankle wasnt ready

I HAVE to do opening night. 

no choice. 

here we go.

Step 4:

EVERYTHING ELSE

I want to keep my room clean

I want to eat better, cook more at home

I want to manage my money much better

I want to take Buster for a walk at least twice a week

I want to keep up with my History & Lit study guides

I want to lose ten pounds by Christmas

that's all. <3

oh, you know

i just bottle

and bottle

and bottle

and then.....

breaking point?

think i'm there.

that breakdown i mentioned?

yeah.

oh boy.

on relationships

Relationships have been on the brain lately.

Some good friends of mine broke up recently, and I've had both of them on my mind, because I know how hard it is for a long term relationship to suddenly cease to exist.

In the midst of all these thoughts, I realized

I have been single for 7 months.

That's the longest single stretch I've had in over two years.

Mike and I got together in April of '08 and broke up July '09

Then Brandon and I had July '09-September '09

James, Feb '10- July '10

Aaron, Nov '10-Dec'10

Roki, Jan '10- March'10

....

Yeah. The biggest gap since April of 2008 has been 5 months, and I've surpassed that by two.

Which, I keep telling myself, isn't a bad thing.
I shouldnt need to be with someone to feel whole.

I know I should be able to feel like a complete, functioning individual on my own.

I don't need a boy. 

But I want one.

Flip side of that-

I'm not really interested in anyone right now.

Really. 

Which means I revert to old boys.

Not healthy.

And yeah. Blah.

So, I'm kindof a mess.

like

90% of the time

but you'd never know it.

But I can bet you,

by the end of November, 

This girl will have had a breakdown.

Just you wait, Henry Higgins, Just you wait.