My Funny Valentine

Valentine's Day
Singles Awareness Day
V-Day

Whatever you call it, it's that time of year again. The time when people seem to either pair off, or lament their singularity, or bemoan how little such a commercial day means.

For me, this year, it's somehow just a day.

I'd anticipated being emotional.

Sad, angry, nostalgic, regretful, lonely, hurt....

But I'm not.

I've been thinking about last year, this time, when I was in a relationship and the day seemed to hold significance. It felt special and good at the time. 

But on reflection, it was very one-sided. I put in a lot of thought and energy, treating someone else in a way that just wasn't ever reciprocated, really. Not that everything always needs to be 100% reciprocal in relationships- but some sort of effort from both parties should be made... don't you think?

ANYWAYS.

This year I'm taking the opportunity to just look at the 14th of February as a day to Treat myself.

Sleeping in.

Eating well.

Surrounding myself with people (and pets) whom I love.

That whats the day should be about. 

If that means being around someone you're romantically involved with, great.

But if you're not in a relationship, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the day and fill it with love for yourself and the others around you.

And just for the record- I love you guys. ♥

January Wrap Up

It's been a month of learning. I've been trying to put myself first, focus on what I need and what I want and what feels right. 

I started taking Voice Lessons from the amazing Mary Driggs. Three weeks in and I can't believe what I've been missing. I hadn't taken an actual lesson since I graduated from Weber, and even though I've been singing and working since then I didn't realize how many bad habits I've picked up. I'm working muscles that haven't been used in a while and discovering that it's easier than I thought to do what I want with my voice. So incredible. 

Also- while I'm still working on it- I've been trying to eat more fresh, real food. I've tried to up my water intake a bit- or at least maintain it.

 I've been cooking at home more often. Much more veggies. Trying to eat less carbs, less red-meat, and more chicken and fish. I've never really been a fish fan, but i'm learning to like tilapia, and I think I'm going to try and cook more with shrimp and possibly attempt to eat other kinds of fish... maybe. I don't necessarily feel like I've lost weight, but I feel better overall, which is nice.

I took some time this month to just enjoy myself as well. I've tried to surround myself with people who make me laugh, who make me feel beautiful, and who bring out the best in me. It's given me a lot of perspective on some of the ways I'd been treating myself in the past and helped me open a few windows- emotionally. I'm discovering parts of myself that I didn't know I had, treating myself to fun experiences and planning things for myself this year- and it's been an adventure. And I'm lucky to have awesome people along for the ride. 

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February is going to be fun. 

Ally and I have tickets for the Dancing With The Stars tour. I'm going to visit Randall in San Diego for 4 days. There's 'Mermaid' auditions, and possibly 'Lyric' auditions. 

There's a million plans and potentials that are floating in the air right now- and all of them are thrilling and terrifying and amazing.

I can't wait.

Life is Pandemonium

Some days you feel like you're in a rut, and you have weird guilt and anxiety about nothing. You wish you were one place, and then thinking about being there makes you want to punch things. And you're tired and ache-y and restless, and you feel like you want to quit everything and move to someplace where you don't know a soul.

And then.

• Your roommate buys you the most DELICIOUS cupcake and surprises you with it mid-day
• Your 'Daily Tarot' app on your phone provides some insane insight.
• You go to the Chiropractor and laugh and talk to the people there and your body gets adjusted and aligned again.
• You get to talk with your best friend who lives in San Diego about audition pieces and theatre and your upcoming trip to visit him.
• You veg out in front of the TV being introduced to Gossip Girls while enjoying wine and stuffed peppers. 
• You are surprised by a friend with some interesting prospects that leave you feeling excited and nervous and giddy all at once.

Which just goes to show- that life can be random and unfair, but the pandemonium is what makes it oh so totally worth it.

2015: My 'Hashtags'

#BeSoft2015

I will not be hard. I will not hate. I will not be bitter.

I DO still find the world to be a beautiful place. 

And I'm going to remember that, and I'm going to work on 'Softness' all year long.

Softness, kindness, patience, reflection.

Opening myself up to beauty and love.

It's also likely that I'm getting the words "Be Soft" tattooed on my wrist. 

like. soon.

very soon.

#Fancy

"I may have been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was'a'my name!"

Randall and I have decided this is also the year of "Fancy." There is something just the most fierce about this song. About a young girl who took control of her life and pulled herself up. So I'm going to be Fancy, I'm going to be fierce, I'm going to remember where I came from and how it helped me get to where I am. I'm going to aspire to be Reba and Kelly. 

#DontLetMeDown

Christmas: A List (or lists)

Week Of:

• Saturday was Carol, 'Starcatching' with Randall @ PTC, and a birthday dinner in Ogden for Liz Smith.
• Sunday brought a lovely, quiet, holiday soiree at Lindsea & Brandon's house with delicious food, wonderful company, and "white elephant" gifts.
• Monday & Tuesday brought 4 performances of Christmas Carol in 24hrs. My cast closed the show Tuesday afternoon and that night was our full cast party. Emotional, to say the least. I loved this year. 
• Tuesday was also Girls Night Out with Shelby, Ally, and Katrina and her girls. We ate so much food at The Pie and spent the evening catching up and playing with Ingrid and Viv. So good for my soul to be around these girls. 

Christmas Eve:

• Work from 7:30-3. I use the word 'work' loosely, as I had one appointment, and about 5 actual conversations with students.
• Caroling around the office with other Enrollment Counselors
• Running home at 3 to start wrapping gifts, only to realize that I had no tape. Speeding to the 7-11 in search of scotch tape and only finding packing tape. That'll do.
• Boiling & Shredding potatoes, wrapping gifts, watching Muppets Christmas Carol, and mixing cheese sauce for the potatoes
• Throwing a bag (or 3) together to bundle Buster & I to Dad's house by 5:30
• Napping while watching 'The Grinch' and waiting for Nick to get there for dinner.
• Ham & Sausage Dip & Cheesy Potatoes
• Starry Christmas PJs and Polka-dot Slippers
• Turning off the TV & Playing games with everyone, and getting along for the most part.
• Finally watching 'Elf' for the first time. Overrated.

Christmas/Megmas:

• DVD haul and a new double shower-head from Daddy
• Coffee galore, a Supernatural Necklace AND a Little Mermaid mug from Missy Moo
• Nick LOVED his Supernatural Shot Glasses
• Dad LOVED the books I bought him
• Everyone getting a whole bunch of exactly what they wanted.
• Morning Naps 
• SNOW
• Driving to Mom's with Buster riding majestically between Dad & I with his paws on the armrests.
• New Miche shell for my purse, and a beautiful white Minky blanket from Momma.
• INTO THE WOODS for Megmas. Perfection.
• Buttered Rum Cheesecake for my birthday. Delish.
• A million texts and FB messages from the best people in the world for my birthday.
• Long, snowy drive back to SLC with dad, singing in harmony to the VoiceMale christmas CD.
• Drinking spiked hot cocoa and catching up on Supernatural before bed. 

Post-Christmas:

• Renewing my Drivers-license in less than 30 mins. Success
• Spending FAR too much money on myself, but securing several items of clothing that were needed for work.
• St. George weekend with Mom & the Kids. Napping in the car with PJ, Buster being just the sweetest road-trip dog & vacation buddy.
• More shopping, very successfully, for myself.
• Not having to go back to work until the 30th, and then getting the 1st off for New Years. 

It was a lovely, relaxing holiday week. I just need to survive New Years Eve, and then 2015 will be here and it'll be the best year yet.