The Day Off

Days off are good for catching up on things you have been putting off...

or

if you're me

for NOT cleaning your room

for NOT going to the bank

for NOT going to the financial aid office

for NOT paying school parking fines

but instead

for GOING to the gym

for GOING house hunting

for GOING to souper!salad! for lunch

for GOING to buy a bridesmaid dress

for GOING to browse at barnes and noble

for GOING to smiths to buy veggies and hummus

for LAYING in the backyard and having a picnic

for SMOKING hookah on the newly painted deck as the sun sets

today was a good day. my room is a mess, but i spent the ENTIRE day with one of my favorite people

Katrina Luthi

and we had a grand ol' time,
even if we didnt find a house for us and shelby



ALSO OF NOTE:
I've decided to maybe attempt the Vegetarian thing. Starting yesterday. So far, so good.
I'm cutting out meat products, but holding on to my milk, cheese, eggs, and seafood on occasion.
Also, since my family is going to Maddox for dinner on saturday... I may splurge on some delicious chicken.
The idea is mostly to see how well I can handle it,
and to see if it helps with my Weight Loss goals.

which-

2days straight at the gym

Watching portions (mostly) and eating healthier (mostly)

Stretching more

Skim milk and sugar free in my Coffee

and the only soda consumed has been of the Diet variety.

also, no meat since tuesday night.

 I'm rocking this shit.

and I'm avoiding the scale till Tuesday. We'll see what a week of effort can do. 

I mean, It's fine! *insert hands thrown up in protest gesture here*

:D ^^^ Thats for Landy and Shebby.

But really, it is fine. I'm an emotional wreck 90% of the time

BUT

then Ally and I go to dinner

and Katrina and I drink rum

and Josh is adorable and makes me laugh

and I have a dog, named Buster

and I see a Steph J, and an Alicia, and a Nate Waite while working

and Landon and Shelby and Maggie have a Tea/Ear Piercing/Gelato/SLC date

And I can breathe again.

So really, it is all fine,

even when I'm an emotional wreck.

(but, two older gentlemen at work in the last two days being shocked that i'm single and pondering why some young man hasnt snatched me up... that.... not helpful. grr. oh well.)

well...

its one of those nights.

one of the nights when you feel so withdrawn

and isolated

and insular

and lonely

and pathetic

and stuff.

the house is empty, except for, i think, erica upstairs, and the dogs.

I had a fantastic evening at my grandparents house celebrating Father's day with my daddy and siblings and grandparents.

and then i drove home

and i got all...

bleh.

so i'm in bed

with a cup of coconut-ginger green tea with french vanilla creamer in it

hitting up the interwebs

then reading my book

and hitting up the pillows on my bed.

bleh.

i wonder

i wonder

i wonder why each little bird has a someone

to sing to, sweet things to; 

a gay little love melody.

i wonder

i wonder

if my heart keeps singing, will my song go winging

to someone who'll find me,

and bring back my love song to me?

Just.... watch.

This is Lin-Manuel Miranda backstage at the Tony Awards writing the closing Rap that Neil Patrick Harris did over the credits. Fantastic.

Also, Nikki M. James is my new favorite person (The beautiful woman in the red dress who won for best supporting actress in a musical for Book of Mormon)

i've been thinking

it's time to just grow up.

i need to start paying attention to myself, and my lifestyle, and my actions, and just start acting like the adult I profess to be.

I'm working enough and making enough that I shouldn't have to worry (too much) about my finances, So why I am I? Because I spend more on eating out and unnecessary items than I should.

I weigh more than I want to, and I'm not as flexible or as fit as I'd like to be? Why? Because I drink sugary coffee drinks, and lots of alcohol, and I never work out or buy myself healthy food.

I mean, I havent gone grocery shopping in weeks. WEEKS. and last time I did, i bought alot of frozen, processed foods that arent very healthy.

So, I was inspired by my dearest Shelby and her blog to set just a few summer goals:

1- Stretch EVERY DAY

2- Do something cardiovascular EVERY DAY

3- Keep track of finances, balance checking account weekly.

4- Limit Drinking to Special Events/Gatherings, and limit intake to 2-3 drinks, max. Also, use fat free milk and sugar free flavorings in coffee.

5- Just take care of ME. Just me. Focus on me. If something annoys me, deal with it- either fix it or talk to the person who can. Being passive-agressive is NOT helping me be an adult.

Thats all. Just 5. I'm writing them down by hand as well, and putting them in my phone where I'll see them every day. And we'll see, by the time I move out in August I want to have dropped at least 10lbs, and be more in control and secure in my finances. Fingers crossed, here we go. :)

Living with Pride

Sunday we went to the SLC Pride festival and spent the day getting completely sunburned and filled with all sorts of love and acceptance.

Landon getting Feather Extensions.

Me being all cute and shit. :P

Tia and Ally rocking sexy shades

Tia, Shelby, Randall

Ally, Me, Landon hanging at the Sub-Way.

The whole PRIDE crew, with half of us with food in our mouths. :P

It was a fantastic day. So much love and fun and music and HEAT, gosh was it hot, and half naked people and so many puppies in the park, and I saw SOOO many people I love. The parade had over 100 entries, which was apparently double what they had last year. It was incredible to be part of an event that helped me regain some faith in the people of Utah, it made me realize that not everyone here is ignorant, insensitive, and close-minded. There was so much love in the air and it gave me hope for our communities here in UT.

Side Note:

St. George in 2 days!!!!!

I'm so freaking excited I can't even tell you. 4 whole days off of work. Thats like a life-time. ALSO,

LANDON IS COMING WITH ME!

yeah. awesome. He'll give me the excuse I need to not go on Hikes and stuff. :D And it'll be prime time for me and Landy to get some MAJOR pictures taken. :) We only have two together on facebook, i noticed, so we shall remedy that this weekend! 

okay. Mowing the Lawn time. :)

Family

So at work today i was watching this family. They're regulars at the coffee counter at the mall; an older gentleman, probably in his 70s, and his two adult sons and their wives. The 5 of them come to the mall each morning, sometimes all of them, sometimes just a smattering of the group, but nearly every day they are there, taking their morning walk and then getting their coffee and sitting together for a morning chat. Every day. They also go to Wendover frequently and seem to be a very close family. They take turns paying for the coffee each morning. They're amazing, and I love seeing them each time I work the mall. The mornings when they aren't there are disappointing, because they are good people who love each other and take time out of their mornings to visit with their elderly father.

This made me think about how much I love my family. We're weird. And random. My parents split up almost two years ago now, and both of them are infinitely happier. Mom works nearly full time and this past spring went back to school full time, taking classes from home online. My dad lives about an hour or so away from my siblings, but every other weekend makes the trip down to pick them up and bring them back to Mom's house. He works hard, and is one of the funniest people you'll ever meet. Both of them instilled a STRONG love of music in all of us kids, and it shows daily in each of our lives.
My siblings are nuts.

Nick is 19, strong willed, impatient, passionate, short-tempered, goofy, nerdy, silly, and odd. He's an aspiring musician, his rock band just competed in the second round of a Battle of the Bands tournament. He loves hard rock, and tries to dress all edgy, but deep down he's a good kid with a heart of gold who in all reality just wants to be the best he can at everything.

Melissa is 13, and more of a teenager than I ever was. She's moody and cranky and bossy and pushy, but she's also loving and sweet and beautiful and so tender-hearted. The girl is such a fashionista, she picks outfits out for our mother when there are certain events to attend. This photo's caption was "my cinco de mayo outfit and hair for school"--- she planned an outfit for cinco de mayo for her spanish class.... yeah. My sister, the pretty one. She's stunning, and will definitely be taller than me.

My Porter-bug is 11, the baby, and my favorite (But i didnt say that). He's the sweetest, goofiest, funniest, cuddle-bug around and I love him so much. This kid loves playing Wii (hence the picture), he's the most athletic out of all of us, and will deny it- but is also one of the best singers in the family. He's got a temper on him, and is super-strong-willed, but 95% of the time this child is so laid back and easy to please. He eats like a horse, and is skinny as a pole. He'll be the tallest for sure (and Nick is 6'7" i think...). Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes, sure to be a heartbreaker in High School, just saying.

I love them so freaking much. And as much as I enjoy living on my own, I miss them a ton, all the time. My mom is one of my best friends, believe it or not, and when I was living there before it was more like having a roommate and less like living with Mom. We make each other laugh, and if we spend even an hour together we start to finish each others sentences. Its crazy, and I miss it.
My dad and I hardly see each other at all, usually just when he's dropping the littlest two back off at Mom's place. Tonight though we met for dessert after I got off work, and that was fantastic. I miss Daddy Daughter Dates, and after a night of work that made me want to hurt people, it was exactly what I needed to feel like a real person again.

I don't know why I felt so compelled to dwell on my family tonight, but I love them so dearly, and after watching that family at the mall this morning I was glad I got to see at least one part of them today.

just saying: someone tell me when is it my turn?

been running like crazy all the time. Tuesday was my first full day off in almost two weeks, and then I was "rewarded" with a full day off yesterday. But, by "rewarded" I mean home with the WORST stomach flu I have ever experienced. Whatever I ate Tuesday (or whatever landed on my food and no one else's at that restaurant) made me violently ill, and I laid in bed all day recovering from my 2am-8am sick-fest. Today was much better, woke up feeling fine but ended up being dizzy and light-headed by noon, which I couldn't get rid of till nearly 8 tonight. BUT, I am now feeling as though I am recovered and ready to face a double shift of work tomorrow and Saturday.

I went on a date in the last week. Yup. Met a guy, he asked me for drinks, we went to The Wine Cellar (which was so fun), we talked, learned a little about each other, he asked me back to His house to watch an episode or two of "The Big Bang Theory", and then I went home. He walked me to my car and gave me a hug before I left. It was normal. And healthy. And whether or not I hear from him (he left on a two week cruise the next morning... so It'll be another week or so if I do), but whether or not I do, it was nice, and it was normal, and it made me realize I can be normal and date and have a good time. I can make good choices and simply meet new people and see what happens. I just wish it were a tad bit easier. I did, in fact, meet said "healthy date guy" online, which is interesting. And yeah, whatever, I may be too young for online dating, but when else am I going to meet people? I work, and I work, and I sleep. And yeah... thats all. So whatever. We'll see.

My Shelby is home!
Rick Rea moved into my house!
Josh Robinson moved into my house!
Erica and Marc both work with me now!
Buster got a haircut! (He's still the cutest dog ever)
My cousin got engaged!

This last piece of news is flipping my shit for some reason. Mostly because he's the only cousin older than me who still wasnt married/engaged. Now its like the spotlight shifts to the next cousin in-line.... bllaaaaghhh. Whatever. Its silly that this stresses me out, but still.

Next week I'm going to St. George for 3ish days to just lay in the sun and be a complete bum. I get like 3.5 whole days off work, and I can't even tell you how excited this makes me. I want a tan, and I want it asap. Books, pool, suntan lotion, sunglasses, sleep. Yes. 5 days till we leave, and I cannot wait.